Friday, August 20, 2010

Mint Chip or Mint Chocolate Cookie

Two decisions by any other name is still a choice.

SOCAL covers Orange County to Los Angeles County to Ventura County. Where I’m located is pretty nice but also pretty small. One of the big stress factors for me has been medical care and employment. Medical is now taken care of but employment is uncertain…as it is for thousands of others.

Last night I lost my temper and said exactly what I felt and that may have been a mistake - maybe not.

The stress of the uncertain is weighing on me. Do I go to a shelter in the heart of Los Angeles or do I stay in the general area of where I am? Both areas have their plus and minus features. Where one is quite lovely the other is not. Where one area is ugly it potentially offers more job opening possibilities where the other does not. One is much slower than the other. But the fast pace of the other offers a diversity of possibilities in all areas of life including education. The slower is more relaxed, lived in and comfortable while the other is “be aware and don’t travel down alleyways” cautious.

My personality - hobbies, interests, things that make me smile, keep me interested, make me feel alive... they're all things that rarely exist in just one person. I temporarily feel comfortable in both worlds of sleepy town and fast city life. So how do you choose when you feel so different from everyone else? When you know in a few years you'll be be bored again. I think that is where part of my problem lies. I need to fill all of the interest beakers, balance them on a solid foundation, be true to myself and provide the financial necessaries of being physically me.

Where will I get a job? I don’t know and I don’t know what to do. In the end it is a choice. Two choices where one is no better than the other because it is only a choice. Once you have made it, it’s yours to do with what you can or willing to do with it. I just do not know what I want to do and that in and of its self is stressful.

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