Skid Row VS Real Life

Don't Feed the Homeless

The day after the memorial for Sept 11th and a day of tolerance Los Angeles Officals say Don't Feed the Homeless. WOW.....

I only spent two days and three nights on Skid Row but it was enough to scare me straight...i.e. realize that was my destination if I didn't make some huge changes in my life. I realize now that those on Skid Row is made up of some very destintive types.

• Those who have spiraled to the depths of lost and will never recover.
• Those who were born, grew up and still live in Skid Row and will create the next generation of Skid Row
• Those who co-exist with Skid Row, work normal lives and are content with the co-exsistence
• Those who were like me. First time on Skid Row due to economy, bad choices or similiar reason.

Dozens of groups from across the Southland converge on downtown Los Angeles every week to hand out food and clothing in skid row.


Residents and business owners complain about the trash they leave behind. City officials question the wisdom and safety of street distributions in an area with numerous organizations that help the homeless.

Union Mission - the facilities are needed but they offer only bed and meals and neither isn't much to brag about.

Weingart - Don't even get me started about their Transitional program. The Program Manager (Merna) is a snobbish bully who thinks too little of the people she is suppose to be helping.


"These folks don't know what happens when they leave," said Los Angeles police Officer Deon Joseph, who as senior lead officer is a liaison to the community. "We've had people get stabbed after fighting over clothes. We've had people get sick after eating their food. It's just dangerous and irresponsible."

If this is the case... why doesn't these organizations work with the existing agencies and or why doesn't the existing agencies work with the outsiders to do the most good for the people who most want and need it?

Some community activists allege that the opposition to street distributions has more to do with gentrification than with protecting homeless people. The city's vision for a revitalized downtown, they suggest, does not include soup lines.

This makes sense and Skid Row needs a major revitalization. It needs to discontinue being a Homeless Asylum and needs to work with the people who truly want help to better their lives. This means free school / education for jobs that will help them leave Skid Row. Free housing while in school, free daycare, medical assistance and transportation while in school and or looking for a job.

On the side of police, residents and businesses - they have a right to complain and demand that if an organization offers meals it is the organization's responsibility to clean up what they brought. That should mean bringing garbage cans and food that doesn't require utensils.

In my opinion though the most important thing needed is for everyone involved to work together, forget the politic and remember that not everyone on Skid Row is a bum.

A case of Cybil or just avoiding police/ ICE?

Relatives identify the Guatemalan day laborer as Manuel Jamines. But coroner's officials find a fingerprint match with the name Manuel Ramirez and immigration papers calling him Gregorio Luis Perez. - LA Times

I am not anti immigrants, I’m anti illegal immigrants (from any country) and this is only one example of why.

Manuel Jaminez, a name they obtained from a cousin at the scene.

Why would you let your cousin or any member of your family sleep outside (near where you live) and not get him into professional medical help? Even if he refused you can legally say he was (and he was in fact) a threat to himself and potentially others.

Protests, memorials and sporadic bouts of violence have occurred in the neighborhood almost daily since an LAPD bicycle officer shot and killed the laborer near 6th Street and Union Avenue. It was around 1 p.m. when a pedestrian flagged down a group of three bicycle officers. They were told that a man with a knife was threatening people, according to a police statement.

Officers approached the man, ordered him to drop the knife several times in both English and Spanish, and opened fire when he allegedly lunged at one of the officers, authorities said.

Police said that they recovered a knife from the scene and that detectives are investigating the killing.

...and if the police left your neighborhood you would all scream discrimination for not receiving the same police assistance that other rich white neighborhood receive :/

The officer that shot him has been brought up on previous charges for excessive force. So this does bring up some questions on could he have injured the man to disable him from an attack? Was his shot the only choice he had in protecting himself, his fellow offers and the public?

The man was wielding a knife and making threats to both pedestrians and police officers. That alone says he is a dangerous threat if only at that moment. 

Emotional Stability

If it wasn’t my reality it would be funny.

Subject D (resident) is an emotionally / mentally disabled individual.

Subject J (brand new resident) is an emotionally stability lacking individual with certain quirks (different from my own.)

The difference is that Subject D argues debates and complains to herself and anyone willing to listen and or contribute… while Subject K is excessively clean and “everything must be disinfected” Human Rights everywhere individual. She writes down every single thing that makes her uncomfortable and says that it’s basic Human Rights not to be made to feel uncomfortable.

Between the two I may not need to fake an addiction – I’ll start one all of my own.


Note: If you feel uncomfortable giving me money, please consider donating to any Domestic Violence and or free medical clinic organization.


“The 40-Year-Old Virgin” actor Shelley Malil claimed he arrived at her home on the night of the attack to find her drinking wine with a male friend named David Maldonado. Malil said he felt threatened by Maldonado and was sure he would attack him with a gun following a scuffle.


Prosecutors allege that Malil used two different knives. Beebe suffered a punctured lung as a result of the attack. - FOX News

Saturday, August 28th 2010 5 pm (ish)

I forgot my state picture id so I couldn’t check out any library books. 2 nights &, 1 day perfect my stare into nothingness. The thought of returning to the gloom is enough to send me bridge hunting. I don’t think I can do it.

I’m sitting in the warm sun where half the people are those who left the gloom and the other half are people enjoying the park itself. It’s actually not a bad park for a downtown such as Los Angeles. I just wish the city would provide electrical outlets in the park. Not all laptops have great long lasting batteries.

I know I said I would just leave the gloom each and every day. But it’s a lot different being in the gloom then just walking through it. Maybe I am tough but do I want to test theory? How long can I really keep my ‘game face’ on? It was only a moment but last night I broke and silently cried. I quickly wipe away the tears and steadied my breathing but it was a broken game face moment. If I stay I worry that I will harden to a point where all that is me will dissolve away. That or I will become a Skid Row statistic.

I applied to some jobs while at the library but most were not terribly attractive – my skills and the requirements were not well match.

No accounting skills
No web design or maintenance skills
No graphic design skills
I’m not strong in Power Point or QuickBooks
…and I no longer have entry level tech support skills. My belief in my employment value is quickly evaporating.

Almost time to return to the gloom. The Devil’s Happy Hour where the real vampires come out to play.


Is there a bathroom here? Of course not. Gawd forbid they be used by the horrible homeless who may spread they’re disease of homelessness.

Theres a man in the park worshiping the sun, I think he may be a bit ‘off’. As the sun continues to descend behind the buildings he moves to the next available sunny spot. Doesn’t he know he can’t hold back the night? Does he forget this each dawn?

I now know for a fact that some people are perfectly content being homeless. They have no problem taking advantage of the free shelter and food. In fact the bits of conversations that have drifted past me have educated me that not only are they content with Skid Row life but they know no other life. A woman near me this morning said she going to visit her daughter and granddaughter in line up ahead. Skid Row is not just a place you end up in. It’s a cycle that breeds generations. However with the pressing needs of so many new homeless changes should be a top priority. Ask yourself…

If you wouldn’t want you daughter, mother, sister or wife to live in a place like this why is it ok for anyone to live like this?

There should be police on the streets 24/7. Not just in patrol cars but on foot and in groups of three. Parolees and work release prisoners should be cleaning up the streets literally. There should be garbage cans on every corner. Recycling cans for homeless people to pull cans and bottles from. Every street in Skid Row should be lit up as if the night never touches the circle of gloom. Those kinds of changes would make a big difference and reduce the crime by even a minimal percentage.

Time to return to the gloom.

Sunglasses on
Head up
Back straight
Look ahead
Don’t look to the sides or at anyone.
Back in the gloom



Dinner

I really wish I could have taken a picture of dinner tonight. The scoop of macaroni and cheese would have been a great inspiration for a kid’s jungle gym.

After dinner.

I checked the transitional housing program place to see if the case worker checked her messages – no. The same man from Friday was there and I do believe he genuinely cares. He told me that come Monday all would be ok. Yes, I’ll be in a better cage but a cage all the same. At least that one will keep out most of the animals. As I write this one of the animals is pacing and pawing the ground. Growling and sneering about her stolen cell phone charger. I have to admit that the ER Shelter attendee is tougher than I first perceived. She had no worry as she stepped in front of the sneering animal and laid down the ER Shelter rules.

Head down and look at no one. We are all animals here. Her pawing came too close to me...at least too close to my comfort. Pacing back and forth in front of me as if challenging me to look up from writing and dare her to question me regarding her cell phone charger – I don’t look up.


The hyenas have arrived. Too late for dinner and hoping someone will give them a bite to eat.
The sun continues to descend and the chill is settling in. Not too long now.

In the bedding area it’s the same fast paced routine. Wait for the storage room to open. Get your gear, take out sleep clothes, figure out what you will wear tomorrow, get night needed things, and pack it back in and get ready for bed. Once you’re ready put any items you don’t want to sleep in or with in storage and hope you are exhausted enough to fall asleep the moment you lay down.

Uggs – I’ve been scared thin…and into laser hair removal. A big belly full of hair in the women’s bathroom. Enough said – a scar for life.

Good night

Good morning Skid Row

While the vampires are out…

#2 NOTE: Because I couldn't get online last night I'm posting this in two different blog postings to break up the length. 


The dorm style room is filled with approximant 100 to 115 bunk beds. The mattresses are plastic and the sheets are badly stained but clean. The pillows are scarce and the blankets are anything but soft and the air is hot, sticky and stale. At least the bathrooms here have full size doors unlike the lounge with half size doors and no locks on either. The best looking room sadly enough is the storage room – wish I could have slept in there.

The women are getting ready for bed in attire I wouldn’t wear even as a joke. Most are smart and wear sweats and a tank top. Others…I’ll never wear bike shorts again. There are some who are ironing clothing for the next day and one woman who is lithe enough to stretch before bed on her top bunk bed. Then there is the woman who meticulously wipes down every part of the metal bed with alcohol including the floor around and underneath her bed. Lots of little stories in this room.

At 10:05pm the lights start to go out. I’m lucky enough to be assigned a bed near a light fixture that is never turned off. Great. It’s like trying to sleep with the lights on. I toss and turn, move this way and that and even though I’m using the pillow less pillowcase as a sleep mask I never truly fall asleep.

• Wake up and look at the clock 2:30 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 3 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 4:15 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 5:10 am

Wake up requirement is at 5:30 am and women start to get ready at 5am. I sleep in to a whole whopping 5:30 am. No showers in the mornings. If you want a shower you have to wait until 2pm or go down the street for a community shower. Thankfully I have an exercise towel with me so I get it wet and sponge myself clean of at least most of the sweat before putting on clean clothes. Wish I still had my gym membership. I’m too chickenshit to use the showers in Skid Row after experiencing the Day Lounge bathroom.

Yea….it’s time for medical green trays filled with edible surprise. The items on the tray change after every 10th person or so. So many people got something different. Coffee? Noooo the men are served first and if they drink it all oh well, too bad for the woman folk. Fuckers! I wait for the office to open but after almost an hour I just want to get out of that place before I’m forced to migrate back to the land of hopelessness.

I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to go back tonight but what other choice do I have? There is no other place to go…until at least Monday. Even as of Monday, I may be forced to stay in Skid Row. Even the thought of going back makes me wonder if its worth it all. I can see how easy it can be to numb your surroundings and deny just how horrible it all really is with drugs.

One woman who was entirely too pissed for my comfort level over the lack of coffee told me that employers in Financial District do not hire anyone with a Skid Row address. As if I would provide a Skid Row address – HELL NO. I’ll put my old address and forward the mail to whatever transitional housing program I get into.

Tips for Skid Row

I don’t know where I learned it or even when. Maybe I somehow just knew it or maybe tidbits of memory are surfacing from my early days when I was with my savior from my {parent} who turned into my “Sleeping With The Enemy” nightmare. Or maybe all the books I’ve read and moves I’ve seen have street educated me. However I learned it I have put into motion some tips I’ve quickly learned or relearned in less than 24hours for staying away from conflict and or being marked...so far.

• When you are eating breakfast, eat with your head down, your eyes level and your ears open. Last night and definitely this morning I noticed a lot of little sparks that could have easily turned into physical conflicts. The coffee less mad woman was definitely not thrilled and I believe she may have been escorted out because she was so mad.

• When you go to the bathroom don’t forget to get a wad of toilet paper from the office. I plan to grab a stack of napkins from McDs and other places. Don’t take your eyes and if your able to your hands off your bag while going to the bathroom. Don’t make eye contact in the bathroom. One female entity was pretty miffed because a woman in the bathroom glanced over at her while she was going to the bathroom.

• When your sitting in the lounge or courtyard or pretty much anywhere… Stare into nothing. Don’t stare at anyone.

• Bump into no one. I bumped into someone with my suitcase and for a second I honestly thought she was going to get out of her chair and “challenge” me. Instead she just grumbled something not understandable.

• Carry with you as little as possible. The smaller the handbag the better and easier it is to put it under your pillow or hold onto while you sleep.

• Don’t assume anything about anyone. Last night a woman seemed perfectly nice and this morning she was practically asking for a fight with anyone willing to yell back at her.

• Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing that can mark you as a target - its about survival. 

When I left the shelter the street looked like a Hollywood setup for a apocalyptic type scene. An ideal set for the TV show Jeremiah. I literately pray I can survive until Monday without upsetting someone, attracting someone and or just marking myself in some way.

Determination is EVERYTHING

It may be hard, but obstacles can be shoved out of the way.

I have been asking repeatedly for my "Case Manager" to call transitional housing programs in Los Angeles. Each time I'm told its not available for one reason or anther. I don't think the shelter I'm at wants to refer me to Los Angeles shelters. I've asked and asked and then I'm pressured to the X shelters where I haven't even be sniffed at by employers locally. Well I have a job interview tomorrow in Los Angeles. I told my "Case Manager" and was given a slightly dirty look when I made it subtly clear that if I was hired I would not give it up...that any transnational housing program I go to will have to be willing to help me with transportation to the job. Even if it is only until my first check.


Yes, I am being stubborn and selfish. Locally, I have filled out much more then a dozen paper and electronic job applications for jobs that no one over 25 should be applying for. I have sent more then 40 resumes this month alone for jobs. Not a single local employer has emailed or called me. I've placed resume website ads, I scan all the major job websites, use business network websites and I've applied to the county government job program. Yes, I would / will probably be approved. But even that program would not supply a potential job or job leads for at least three weeks. Even then there is no guarantee I would make more then minimum wage in a job that would actually help me advance back into a career and not just a means of existing. I've sent resumes throughout the Los Angeles area and have received a couple of emails, a couple of calls and now an interview. What would you do?


I even let my roommate convince me that the transitional housing program she will probably go to should be considered by me... the transitional housing program that I said is too close to my ex. I said I would consider it as long as I was not required to apply to jobs within five miles of his work. After pressuring me to go there, they now seem unwilling to refer me - WTF?! Because my roommate is going there? Are they now trying to pressure Trauma Queen out of the shelter and onto them to deal with? The transitional housing program is very work mandatory based. She doesn't want a job - I DO!


I understand that it is not the shelter's job to supply me with anything more then a route away from my abusive ex. I understand that they're only requirement is to help me locate the next step - a transitional housing program...and that is all. I get it.  It is my job and only my responsibility to provide anything and everything else beyond that. But why would I step out of the gutter just to step into a path that won't help me nearly as much as another that is only slightly harder to reach?


They are now back to pressuring me again to go to a shelter further away from where the jobs are and are very strict due to drug addicts they give shelter to. I'M NOT A ADDICT ...and I should not be treated like one because they give shelter to drug addicts. That is why I didn't want to go to that shelter. I want a job that can help me secure a future. Is that too much to ask for? Do these agencies get bonus points for keeping shelter residents local? I don't care! I want what is best for me and if that means I cannot be tracked as a statistic that is just too damn bad.


My roommate is loaning me the money for the Metrolink fare so I can go to my interview. AND I finally secured an appt with the transnational housing program that has (I believe) great transitional housing programs and resources. I had to leave several messages and my last one practicably begging for an appointment because I have an interview nearby...but I got it. 

HA!


... and one of the LA transnational housing program shelters (which I won't name publicly) is a $*@!ing joke! Before they allow you into their shelter you have to have 90 days of employment.  Emergency shelters are only 30 days maximum length...If your homeless, chances are you don't have a $*@!ing job!

Skid Row

The Dangers of Skid Row

This is where the transitional shelter program I will probably be going to is located.



"Rapist Kidnapping Homeless Women on L.A.'s Skid Row"
Published August 12, 2010 | Associated Press



LOS ANGELES -- Los Angeles police are looking for a man they say tied up and raped two women from Skid Row in the past two weeks.


A police statement says a middle-aged, balding man in a brown van gave a 37-year-old homeless woman a ride on Aug. 1, bound her with duct tape and then raped her repeatedly over the next three days before dropping her off in Koreatown.


Police say a man matching the same description picked up a 29-year-old woman on Monday night and offered her a ride to get food. The van drove to a McDonald's but when the woman refused to perform a sex act, police say the man pulled a knife, bound her with duct tape and drove to Alhambra, where he raped her.


Police say he threw her in a trash bin before fleeing.






I’m homeless, single, NOT addicted to any kind of drugs nor am I a single parent. Because I am not an addict, Spanish or Native American, a former prostitute or a single mom, I cannot find a transitional housing program anywheres else. I am educated, had a job and an apartment but have lost everything due to the recession and a bad boyfriend decision. But because I haven't severely screwed up my life with an addiction or whoring and because I don't want to pop out a kid just for the sake of government help there is no assistance for me.

If you really want to help homeless people who want help, donate money to transitional homeless shelters, donate your time in teaching your professional skills to residents so they can get a job and or hire homeless people in these programs.

Female Hell

Why do women talk non stop and don't get it?

I'm in Hell


Now that Trauma Queen is gone and all the secrets are out, BBF (No longer T) has no one to bitch with except me - GrrrrrrEaT.

Turns out Trauma Queen was

• Hooking
• Snorting
• Drinking
• Thieving
• Lying

and Masturbating (in the room with her son above her in the bunk bed and roommate across from her.)

Crap.... I can no longer sit in the dining room with my laptop and just zone out with my laptop. BBF talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks....

If it's not talking from BBF it's the son of one single mom constantly screaming from the moment he wakes up until he finally falls asleep.

BBF just talks and talks and talks... She stops for short breaks in between but I think she only does so to take in a huge breath to start again...sort of like a dragon who breathes fire. Oh crap.... she's taking a breath.


I do feel bad for her but I'm not a therapist.

An hour later and she's still talking.... No quiet TV for me, I'm going to bed.

Environments Matter

The environments we are in affects how we act & decisions we make.

BBF is no longer a BBF. When Trauma Queen left she took things belonging to her BBF including her medical sling. T is obviously upset and hurt but she’s also very friendly and pleasant to be around now.

One Step From Broken or Hopeless

When neither is a good choice, what to do?

When I left the abusive situation I thought I was taking the first step towards truly changing things in my life for the better. I didn’t realize that changes meant changes rather they were good or bad. 

I’m now told that I have to go wherever they (shelter) recommends me or a place I find on my own. The only place my “case manager” (who really hasn’t done anything at all) has referred to is more a homeless addict shelter then a transitional house for women. The shelter is loosely a dorm style building that houses dorm rooms next to each other with a flimsy not locking wood panel between the women’s and the men’s room.

Hell, I’m not too keen on being around men at all but know I have to be somewhat flexible. However what sense does it make to put anyone who is from a domestic violence situation and put them around people who are violent, has a history of violence or is potentially violent? If I was to continue living with even one addict I would have stayed with my ex where I lived in middle to upscale neighborhood. I didn’t leave it to live with more than one addict in a dorm room with 10 other women (also addicts) and a flimsy divider to male addicts.

If I was homeless and only homeless I would not question it. However I came from a domestic violence situation with an ex who is an alcoholic and my previous ex before him was a drug addict. The LAST thing I want to be around is current addicts, not really recovering and brand new recovering male addicts. 

In addition....

No kind of pain medication at all, ever and for any reason including OTC meds. They will not even hold them for you in case you need something - zero intake. 

No laptops

No cellphones

No electronic communication gadgets at all.

All communication must be done through the office in the supervision of the shelter staff. 

WTF!?

Fucking Bullshit

Addicts are being rewarded for being addicts! For every one women’s shelter for domestic violence there are five addict shelters. I was turned down from a woman’s DV transitional shelter because I wasn’t an addict of any kind. So those of us who made bad choices for partners but didn’t pollute our bodies are being punished while those who dived into addiction and ruined the lives of their partners, families, friends and children are being rewarded with an abundance of free services. 

I'm step away from 

• Homeless
• Living with unknown dangers of homeless addicts
• or going to CL and choosing a new but different domestic violence situation

No matter which way I currently go I'm fucked. Where can I get a bag of speed and a straw? 

To add insult to injury she said if that shelter doesn't work out "we'll have to find you a room to rent."

...and who will pay for that? I don't have a job, I don't qualify for GR or SSI, the shelter won't provide bus tokens and I've already applied to every business with 2 miles of the shelter (walking distance) and not one has called or emailed me. HOW am I to pay the rent?

The bitch actually told me to have a good night before going home to a place that she knows she will be at until SHE chooses to move. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

I should have stayed with my ex, bought him booze to drink himself into oblivion, give him sleeping pills to sleep and found reasons not to be home. When staying put with an abusive partner is better than going to a domestic violence shelter you know the world is truly fucked and Hell IS Earth.