Vampiric 4 Square

I never was good at 4 Square.

Subject D was forced to leave by police escort. Subject (Special) K freaked out at 3 am and said that Subject D was about to burn the house down if we all didn’t die of gas poisoning first. I was asleep so I don't know what happened. But since there had been previous complaints she was escorted to a facility more equipment to manage her needs.

That same day Special K threw away ALL of the leftover food (only a day or two old at most) in both the refrigerator and freezer as well a huge basket of vegetables. Her undeniable explanation was that the refrigerator was filthy therefore everything that wasn't sealed in a commercially purchased container and date with a well defining 'Still Good' date was disgusting and no good. Almost half the food supply is now gone.

I think this chick is bi-polar. I’ve known a couple of bipolar and high anxiety types and she exhibits similar traits.

I had to go through items I purchased and circle the words “Refrigerate After Opening,” because she has placed perishable items in cabinets instead of leaving them in the refrigerator. She is very much like me ex. Finds something to complain about every single day and there is always more then one thing that isn’t done or isn’t done the “right” (her) way.

She watches daytime talk shows all day, her opinion is the only one that makes sense and she dates only cholos…am I spelling that right? A Cholo?

Urban Dictionary:

1) cholo
...typically dresses in chinos (khahki pants), a wifebeater ...


2. cholo
buy cholo mugs, tshirts and magnets
1) Mexican Gangster 


2) Mexican Gangster Style
1) "My homeboy got shot up but some cholos from Norte...


3) ...This look is subject to change as gang-culture evolves. 


buy cholo mugs, tshirts and magnets


And I thought I dated fucked up men / rejects.


 But I’ve figured out a secret about her. If no one is in the room with her… if you don’t pay attention to her she turns off her vampireic energy feeding.


But all of that doesn’t matter. I’m back to square one. Transitional housing programs are full and in two to three weeks I will yet again be at the “you're not an (addict, single mom, XXX), you don’t qualify” stage. Because this is my second cycle there are even less choices. In addition, they do know about the last shelter and yet I’m still here. They could have rightfully asked me to leave at any time. But regardless, there is no place to go. If I don’t find a job soon I’ll be right back to Skid Row, homeless shelters or asking my ex if I can return. He would love to gloat over me and tell me how much of a failure my “little independence stunt” really was. In other words, I have no place to go, again.

Skid Row VS Real Life

Don't Feed the Homeless

The day after the memorial for Sept 11th and a day of tolerance Los Angeles Officals say Don't Feed the Homeless. WOW.....

I only spent two days and three nights on Skid Row but it was enough to scare me straight...i.e. realize that was my destination if I didn't make some huge changes in my life. I realize now that those on Skid Row is made up of some very destintive types.

• Those who have spiraled to the depths of lost and will never recover.
• Those who were born, grew up and still live in Skid Row and will create the next generation of Skid Row
• Those who co-exist with Skid Row, work normal lives and are content with the co-exsistence
• Those who were like me. First time on Skid Row due to economy, bad choices or similiar reason.

Dozens of groups from across the Southland converge on downtown Los Angeles every week to hand out food and clothing in skid row.


Residents and business owners complain about the trash they leave behind. City officials question the wisdom and safety of street distributions in an area with numerous organizations that help the homeless.

Union Mission - the facilities are needed but they offer only bed and meals and neither isn't much to brag about.

Weingart - Don't even get me started about their Transitional program. The Program Manager (Merna) is a snobbish bully who thinks too little of the people she is suppose to be helping.


"These folks don't know what happens when they leave," said Los Angeles police Officer Deon Joseph, who as senior lead officer is a liaison to the community. "We've had people get stabbed after fighting over clothes. We've had people get sick after eating their food. It's just dangerous and irresponsible."

If this is the case... why doesn't these organizations work with the existing agencies and or why doesn't the existing agencies work with the outsiders to do the most good for the people who most want and need it?

Some community activists allege that the opposition to street distributions has more to do with gentrification than with protecting homeless people. The city's vision for a revitalized downtown, they suggest, does not include soup lines.

This makes sense and Skid Row needs a major revitalization. It needs to discontinue being a Homeless Asylum and needs to work with the people who truly want help to better their lives. This means free school / education for jobs that will help them leave Skid Row. Free housing while in school, free daycare, medical assistance and transportation while in school and or looking for a job.

On the side of police, residents and businesses - they have a right to complain and demand that if an organization offers meals it is the organization's responsibility to clean up what they brought. That should mean bringing garbage cans and food that doesn't require utensils.

In my opinion though the most important thing needed is for everyone involved to work together, forget the politic and remember that not everyone on Skid Row is a bum.

A case of Cybil or just avoiding police/ ICE?

Relatives identify the Guatemalan day laborer as Manuel Jamines. But coroner's officials find a fingerprint match with the name Manuel Ramirez and immigration papers calling him Gregorio Luis Perez. - LA Times

I am not anti immigrants, I’m anti illegal immigrants (from any country) and this is only one example of why.

Manuel Jaminez, a name they obtained from a cousin at the scene.

Why would you let your cousin or any member of your family sleep outside (near where you live) and not get him into professional medical help? Even if he refused you can legally say he was (and he was in fact) a threat to himself and potentially others.

Protests, memorials and sporadic bouts of violence have occurred in the neighborhood almost daily since an LAPD bicycle officer shot and killed the laborer near 6th Street and Union Avenue. It was around 1 p.m. when a pedestrian flagged down a group of three bicycle officers. They were told that a man with a knife was threatening people, according to a police statement.

Officers approached the man, ordered him to drop the knife several times in both English and Spanish, and opened fire when he allegedly lunged at one of the officers, authorities said.

Police said that they recovered a knife from the scene and that detectives are investigating the killing.

...and if the police left your neighborhood you would all scream discrimination for not receiving the same police assistance that other rich white neighborhood receive :/

The officer that shot him has been brought up on previous charges for excessive force. So this does bring up some questions on could he have injured the man to disable him from an attack? Was his shot the only choice he had in protecting himself, his fellow offers and the public?

The man was wielding a knife and making threats to both pedestrians and police officers. That alone says he is a dangerous threat if only at that moment. 

Homeless Crime

Los Angeles police shot and killed a man who reportedly threatened bystanders with a knife in a bustling Westlake shopping district on Sunday, authorities said.


Officers with the bicycle unit of LAPD's Rampart Division were responding to an unrelated call about 1 p.m. when a pedestrian flagged them down and alerted them to a man with a knife near 6th Street and Union Avenue, according to Cmdr. Blake Chou. The officers confronted the man and ordered him to drop the knife several times. When he failed to drop the weapon, officers began firing, police said.




Some residents of the neighborhood said officers routinely harassed them there and took the opportunity Sunday to voice their opinions about the police.


"Killers go to hell," one person said.


"You guys don't have the right to come to our neighborhood and assassinate people," another yelled.


A resident living less than a block from the scene said the dead man was middle-aged, well-known in the area and frequently appeared to be drunk. She often saw him passed out not far from where he was shot.


"The police told him, 'Put the knife down, put the knife down'" Woods said. She said the man responded by becoming agitated and rambling loudly. "You could see him wobbling from side to side," she said.


Meleika Williams, another resident, said the man may have stabbed people on the streets before he was shot by police. Authorities said they could not confirm whether anyone had been stabbed but said no one was taken to the hospital.

LINK


Wikipedia: Skid Row is said to be America's only third world city.

Homeless Hating Hospital

I haven’t written in days because I’ve been not only physically damaged but traumatized by what happened to me at the hospital. It’s only now I can really piece together enough inner strength to start overcoming what happened – how I was so badly treated by Homeless Hating Hospital ER’s Social Worker.

I was making calls to locate a Homeless shelter, a transitional Housing program or even a Domestic Violence shelter and located one with an opening when I stood up and a stabbing pain sliced through my leg and lower back. Still on the phone and trying to coordinate my arrival it happened a second time and then a third time. The operator I was talking to and I both knew something was seriously wrong (I have a Herniated disc injury). Soon afterwards I was transported to the emergency room at Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital. Received decent care but entirely too much pain killer medicine which I believe may have been morphine - I was throwing up for over an hour.


On Tuesday August 31st 2010. I was transported to Homeless Hating Hospital for what I now know is a herniated disc injury caused by domestic violence and physical stress. Greg (I believe is the name of the social worker) came into my ER bed space and from the very start was hostel to me. He asked me how he could help me. I told him I was going to a domestic violence shelter and the shelter told me that once the medical staff was done to ask the hospital staff to arrange for me to be transported to or near the shelter. Greg immediately got defensive and said "no way the hospital doesn’t do that.”

He then proceeded to demand information from me and belittle me for leaving my ex boyfriend for the second time. He asked me what my boyfriend did and he snapped at me - He said: “and you’re just reporting it now!?”

When I tried to explain why I didn’t file a police report he got extremely disturbed and loudly told me I had to file a report. I again tried to explain why I couldn’t but he wouldn’t let me finish. Then he demanded to know where I came from. I told him PATH. He told me to go back there then. I told him what happened at PATH and that I had already scheduled to be at a domestic violence shelter. Before I could finish all of my explanation he snapped at me again and said

“You’ve gone back to him twice. I don’t want to get involved with you and your boyfriend.”

I again tried to explain to him why I didn’t want to and he practically yelled "NO, I don’t want to get involved.”

Then he started to demand to know where I had been for the last three days. I got upset and started to raise my voice. He told me to calm down as I was telling him I had spent the last three days at emergency shelters. He then told me to go back there. Again, I told him I was already scheduled to go to a domestic violence shelter. He demanded to know why I wasn’t already there. I told him that all of the shelters were full until today and I could show him my list of places I’ve called. He made a face of disgust and said in a demeaning voice “I don’t want to see it.”

I then asked to use the phone. He said “The phone is at the nurses’ station”

I said “I can barely walk, can you please bring it to me?”

Him: “No, you can walk yourself over there.”

At this point I practically screamed “Did you even read my medical chart?” It wasn’t until the day after I realized he did indeed read that I was suffering from a herniated disc injury and knew I could barely walk.

I closed my eyes, took a couple of breaths and calmly asked for him to bring me the phone so I could call the domestic violence shelter.

He again said “No, we don’t have bedside phones and if you want to use the phone you’ll have to use it there.”

I said “I need to call the shelter to figure out how I’m going to get there. The nurse brought me the phone last time, why can’t you do that?”

He said that the hospital was not a transportation unit and if I wanted to use the phones “you’ll just have to walk yourself over there.”

Again, I became extremely upset and told him he was the wrong person to help me and since he didn’t give a shit about me there was nothing he could do.

He said “I didn’t say that.”

Me: “Yes you did when you said you didn’t want to get involved with me and my boyfriend. So since you couldn’t care less you can’t help me.”

He said in a snotty voice: “I never said that, you’re being hysterical and I’m here to assist you.”

I said I wish I could record you because if you heard yourself you would be too. What can you assist me with?”

He stabbed his clipboard with his fingers, leaned towards me and in a hostel voice said “I have to interview you to know.”

After this loudly said that I needed to get to the domestic violence shelter and I needed the phone. He threw his hands up in the air and again in a hostel voice said "You’ve been released right?”

Me: "Not officially.”

He threw his hands in the air, turned his back on me , turned back around and in a hostel voice said: “Well! Since you obviously need medical attention and not me I’m releasing you over to them. I guess I
can’t help you.” Then he stormed off.

I then called for anyone to come to my bed and finally a man in red scrubs came. I asked him I needed my nurse or my doctor. The nurse came and I told her what happened, asked for the phone and demanded to talk to the ER Manager. In fact I had to ask several different times.

When I got the phone I told the hotline what happened as well and it is only because of them I was transported to a police station to be picked up.

Before I left the same social worker came to my bed. I immediately said I didn’t want to talk to him. He ignored me and said “You’ve been released. A shuttle is being arranged to transport you. I hope you get
the medical help you need. Glad we could help you.”

An older woman who told me she was a director came to me and I was hysterical... I told her what happened and told her that he should never be working with people. I said I was going to file a complaint with not only the hospital but the board that certifies social workers. I again asked for the social worker's name and was refused each and every time.


In the end…. No one in ER would give me his name or his title. I didn’t remember it until the next day. It took the Program Manager from the DV Shelter calling the ER Director to get them to transport me to the police station so they could pick me up.

The last couple of days have been physically and emotionally tortuous. For the last few days I have honestly wondered and started to believe that yes, I did deserve it. Maybe that is wrong but now I can't help but wonder/ believe ...maybe I do deserve everything that has happened to me.

 The DV Staff have been saints to me. They scheduled me to see a real doctor who actually cares (female) and not only gave me medication for the pain but referred me to a different hospital for x-rays, counseling and physical therapy. If it wasn’t for them I honestly believe I would have been thrown out on the street by Homeless Hating Hospital and left for the street vultures.

I still feel emotionally drained …and I know that what Homeless Hating Hospital’s Social Worker did to me was probably not the first time and will not be the last time. I'm horrified that he has probably done this to other women who have been dumb enough to stay in abusive relationships. But when there is no other place to go - what are we suppose to do?

I did file a complaint with not only the hospital but the BBB and the certification board for Social Workers.

Right now, I want to physically heal and then get my life back. I want to believe I'm not as stupid as I feel. I am so mentally, spiritually and emotionally drained I just want to recover and start over...

Sunday August 29, 2010

Another Skid Row morning

My arms are sore and my right ach terribly. I’m not use to carrying 10 to 15 pounds of weight all day. But I won’t leave my laptop behind and I need water, sunglasses, my medicine, a pen ect… and my wet self cleaning towel so I can wash it each day.

There is even less time in the morning then there is at night. Wake up; grab your bag from storage. Clean up, get dressed, put your belongs away so that you don’t have to carry them with you all day and then head out.

Breakfast – everything I am not suppose to eat, I eat as much as I can anyways knowing I will pay a price in about an hour. As I’m typing this the price is a swollen allergic reaction red eye. At least I’m not starving.

I am so tired…I will not just lie down and sleep I refuse. But I am so exhausted I wish I could.

Really pays off to not look homeless. I was plugged into an outlet when the security guard comes by and kicks out a guy near me for sleeping. Not me for being plugged in with my laptop.

Good morning Skid Row

While the vampires are out…

#2 NOTE: Because I couldn't get online last night I'm posting this in two different blog postings to break up the length. 


The dorm style room is filled with approximant 100 to 115 bunk beds. The mattresses are plastic and the sheets are badly stained but clean. The pillows are scarce and the blankets are anything but soft and the air is hot, sticky and stale. At least the bathrooms here have full size doors unlike the lounge with half size doors and no locks on either. The best looking room sadly enough is the storage room – wish I could have slept in there.

The women are getting ready for bed in attire I wouldn’t wear even as a joke. Most are smart and wear sweats and a tank top. Others…I’ll never wear bike shorts again. There are some who are ironing clothing for the next day and one woman who is lithe enough to stretch before bed on her top bunk bed. Then there is the woman who meticulously wipes down every part of the metal bed with alcohol including the floor around and underneath her bed. Lots of little stories in this room.

At 10:05pm the lights start to go out. I’m lucky enough to be assigned a bed near a light fixture that is never turned off. Great. It’s like trying to sleep with the lights on. I toss and turn, move this way and that and even though I’m using the pillow less pillowcase as a sleep mask I never truly fall asleep.

• Wake up and look at the clock 2:30 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 3 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 4:15 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 5:10 am

Wake up requirement is at 5:30 am and women start to get ready at 5am. I sleep in to a whole whopping 5:30 am. No showers in the mornings. If you want a shower you have to wait until 2pm or go down the street for a community shower. Thankfully I have an exercise towel with me so I get it wet and sponge myself clean of at least most of the sweat before putting on clean clothes. Wish I still had my gym membership. I’m too chickenshit to use the showers in Skid Row after experiencing the Day Lounge bathroom.

Yea….it’s time for medical green trays filled with edible surprise. The items on the tray change after every 10th person or so. So many people got something different. Coffee? Noooo the men are served first and if they drink it all oh well, too bad for the woman folk. Fuckers! I wait for the office to open but after almost an hour I just want to get out of that place before I’m forced to migrate back to the land of hopelessness.

I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to go back tonight but what other choice do I have? There is no other place to go…until at least Monday. Even as of Monday, I may be forced to stay in Skid Row. Even the thought of going back makes me wonder if its worth it all. I can see how easy it can be to numb your surroundings and deny just how horrible it all really is with drugs.

One woman who was entirely too pissed for my comfort level over the lack of coffee told me that employers in Financial District do not hire anyone with a Skid Row address. As if I would provide a Skid Row address – HELL NO. I’ll put my old address and forward the mail to whatever transitional housing program I get into.

Tips for Skid Row

I don’t know where I learned it or even when. Maybe I somehow just knew it or maybe tidbits of memory are surfacing from my early days when I was with my savior from my {parent} who turned into my “Sleeping With The Enemy” nightmare. Or maybe all the books I’ve read and moves I’ve seen have street educated me. However I learned it I have put into motion some tips I’ve quickly learned or relearned in less than 24hours for staying away from conflict and or being marked...so far.

• When you are eating breakfast, eat with your head down, your eyes level and your ears open. Last night and definitely this morning I noticed a lot of little sparks that could have easily turned into physical conflicts. The coffee less mad woman was definitely not thrilled and I believe she may have been escorted out because she was so mad.

• When you go to the bathroom don’t forget to get a wad of toilet paper from the office. I plan to grab a stack of napkins from McDs and other places. Don’t take your eyes and if your able to your hands off your bag while going to the bathroom. Don’t make eye contact in the bathroom. One female entity was pretty miffed because a woman in the bathroom glanced over at her while she was going to the bathroom.

• When your sitting in the lounge or courtyard or pretty much anywhere… Stare into nothing. Don’t stare at anyone.

• Bump into no one. I bumped into someone with my suitcase and for a second I honestly thought she was going to get out of her chair and “challenge” me. Instead she just grumbled something not understandable.

• Carry with you as little as possible. The smaller the handbag the better and easier it is to put it under your pillow or hold onto while you sleep.

• Don’t assume anything about anyone. Last night a woman seemed perfectly nice and this morning she was practically asking for a fight with anyone willing to yell back at her.

• Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing that can mark you as a target - its about survival. 

When I left the shelter the street looked like a Hollywood setup for a apocalyptic type scene. An ideal set for the TV show Jeremiah. I literately pray I can survive until Monday without upsetting someone, attracting someone and or just marking myself in some way.

Just like prison

But you don’t have to break the law.

NOTE: Because I couldn't get online last night I'm posting this in two different blog postings to break up the length. 

My exit took longer than it was suppose to and longer than it should have. The train was also half an hour late. Because of this I missed the unknown to me closing time which I wasn’t told about. So until Monday I am at the worst of the worst emergency shelters. The place is miserable and scary and depressing and I don’t think even Hollywood could make it look as bleak as it really is. I have never been to prison but I imagine this is a nicer version of it and I don't know if I really can live in Skid Row... I don't know if I can really do have what it takes.

I don’t know if I am THIS strong.

The front door is staffed by an armed security guard who has to buzz you into the complex. Once you’re in you precede to the office…a hole in the wall on the other side of a “Day Lounge.” The day lounge is filled to the brim with female entities that probably haven’t seen better days since they were children. Some watch whatever drool is playing on the TV, others are chatting with others while some are threatening whoever walks by or looks at them. But most are staring into the nothingness.

Securing a bed is much like checking into the ER but with different questions.
Name
Age
Children
Diseases
Mental illness
Medication
Can you sleep on a top bunk without falling off?

How many have fallen off?

After being issued a bed number and told to wait until 8pm to be called to bed women already start to line up for the 6:30pm dinner call. Women line up as early as an hour prior to the feeding. As you enter the cafeteria a larger banner greets you and says
“Jesus loves you.”

Really? I don’t want his love. Personally I’m trying to quite abusive “loving” partners that neglect those they say they love and then serves them misery. So if this is his way of showing me some love, he should just back the $#@! Off.

The line continues past Jesus’ declaration of love where you accept your medical lime green tray of edible substance. The potatoes like substance were pale tan and tastes between squash and what I imagine prison food to taste like. There was something fried that I later overheard was supposed to be egg rolls. They did have shredded edible stuff so I guess thats what they were. The only thing that looked and tasted like it was suppose to was the small pile of salad with hidden salad dressing. At least I hope it was salad dressing. The rice, well, rice isn’t too difficult to 'make' so it looked right… like a mountain from Whoville. Except the mountain was white & the snow was black… and I was grateful for the free food.

Bathrooms in the “Day Lounge” – If walls could talk these would be scared silent, I was. But at least I know where to go for an easy drug purchase.

Soon after dinner and precisely as your ready to return to staring into the nothingness the one man religious concert starts up = Fire & Brimstone – Rock on!

…and there I sat. Wondering when my next shower would be. Whether or not I’ll be able to change my clothes tonight for bed or even the next day. Wondering what the Hell had I done to deserve this fate? Is this my punishment for settling with men I knew deep down were damaged and would do me harm? Settling with less because I didn’t think I deserved more? Never again. If I survive this, no one will ever be able to offer me anything that I can’t provide myself.

Into The Skid

Skid Row, here I come.

Well………

Trauma Queen was kicked out while I was gone and took with her most of my socks, two of my bras, some of my quality makeup and all of my personal hygiene items. :/
Thankfully the shelter I’m at now replaced some of the items :)


After a lot of consideration, deep thinking and making a list of strengths, features, negatives, goals and wants I was offered and accepted the transitional housing program in Skid Row. It offers the best chance for me to get back on my feet and a chance for a life three times better then it was before. I’m only publishing it because, well, this should be interesting.

I leave this afternoon.

I contacted Beyond Lazy and was told they're not a shelter. He didn't say what he was so I thought I had the wrong number and hung up. I contacted and made sure I had the right contact..yep.

"We're not a shelter."

"Maybe I misunderstood. I visited your website and assumed you help with transitional housing programs?"

"I am sorry, but we are not a shelter program."

If your not a shelter...what are you and why does your website say Beyond Shelter and use the words help and homeless if you don't HELP the HOMELESS? 

Honoring the victims?

How best can we / should we honor the victims of 9/11?

Ground Zero Mosque Opponents Have a Lot of Work to Do - Bob Cesca


"Let's begin with the actual ground. The Ground Zero. Literally, the ground. The One World Trade Center (aka. Freedom Tower) website notes the following feature:


The below-grade concourses will include approximately 55,000 square feet of retail space and connect to an extensive transportation and retail network..."



In my opinion I find that using the very space where people died for retail shopping to be offensive. Yes, the towers will need and want retail outlets. Must it be in the ground known as Ground Zero? Why not a library, a cafeteria, a museum...Hell, I would even be ok with a 24 Hour Fitness gym. But shopping for personal luxury seems so damn wrong.

I read the article at The Huffington Post and couldn't help myself from posting a sarcastic comment that some will probably and maybe even should find offensive. Here is the comment I wrote for the article. After posting it and then reading it, I really do wish I could go back to college.


Honor the heroes and victims of 9/11 by bringing in the shoppers! It can be an annual Ground Zero honoring tradition that all shoppers shop (with 50% discounts) until they drop from exhaustion every Sept. 11th. Shopping in ground zero, where so many people died... shoppers will be walking on the dead quiet literally. THAT is much more offensive then a Mosque that has nothing to do with terrorists.




You want to do the victims some justice? How about a homeless shelter for those hit by the economy? The homeless who have not been homeless before. The ones who do not have drug addictions. The ones with some skills that can be taught and are willing to learn new ones…then they can be hired for the thousands of jobs the towers will create. That is honoring the victims. 

Bad Day

Sickness & Trauma Queens SUCK!

Woke up feeling like there was a boulder sitting on my lungs.


No openings yet for transitional housing…again


Received a scammer job email asking me for all of my personal identification information


The little boy is screaming his harpy song stronger than usual today. 


Was given a list of employment agencies to contact - over half is work I can’t do or have no experience in…still sending them my resume.


Headache is slam dancing


Trauma Queen took the rest of the saltines into her room… I’m not eating much and saltine crackers have been the only thing I have been eating steadily throughout the day this week. It’s not as if there isn’t an entire kitchen or pantry full of food and beverages so you’d think the bitch could leave me the least expensive snack in the entire fucking shelter!


No drugs so I can’t knock myself out with Nightquil or sleeping aids – FUCK! That could totally qualify as an addiction!


Last night Trauma Queen insisted I feel her goose egg bump where she fell down (again) and knocked her head. Here's a tip - stop falling down for attention! I don't have to touch you to know you have Traumatic Reenactment Syndrome (TRS) - get a therapist not shelter residents to touch your multiple injuries. 


I know that may sound callous but I'm sick of hearing her whine about everything and everyone and listening over and over again to her complaints and issues. We ALL have issues here but now is the time to start the process of getting past them and starting new, not rehashing them every single day. 


Ahhhh - the harpie boy is non stop today!  I even spoke up telling the little boy loudly & very firmly NO! (and putting my finger in front of my lips) - this shocked the boy and his mother for a few moments. She finally took the little harpie outside to annoy the neighbors. 


Headache raging - going back to my room.

Today's Thoughts

Seriously?

JetBlue flight attendant - "After a week of his story saturating a strangely obsessed media, on Sunday Slater procured the services of top publicist Howard Bragman to help deal with media relations and manage the numerous offers said to be coming his way."

A couple of sentences and he gets a celebrity deal? DAMN! I've got a whole coffee table book of stuff I can rant about and I'm definitely available.


Bugs Bunny Penis Scandal: Fact or Fiction?
Ah yes.... Tim Berners-Lee knew that people needed a way to discuss whether Bug Bunny was a transexual, simply gay or even if he had a penis.Don't you feel better knowing that you can, at any given time, find out all the dirty little secrets about your favorite cartoon characters?



But seriously folks, 


I made the calls again as I have every Monday - Friday for the last two weeks and yet again - no openings. However, I am now getting frustrated because the same people who are answering the same calls must recognize my name and voice. A couple of these agencies are now telling me to come to the shelter in person.... Gee I would except there is no transportation assistance from the shelter I am in now, it’s not anywhere close to your agency and I would have to start walking a minimum of 3 hours beforehand and hope I walk fast enough to be there at requested early am (5 am to 7am) show up time.

In addition, the shelter I'm in has curfew times and residents are not to leave between those times...oh and I'm sick and can't afford a doctor so the walk would probably put me in the hospital. Which depending on what hospital I go to I could potentially be dumped (literally) on Skid Row after my hospital visit. Would that convince you I’m serious?

I’m obviously not serious about helping myself. I just don’t have anything better to do than call you everyday and annoy you. :/

Damn! Is there any agency, business, personal dealings that doesn't have political and or pettiness bullshit to sort through?

{breathe}

There is one Case Manager (Attendee) who really shows she cares. For whatever reasons that is not made known to me my "case manager" is a person I see around the place once in a while doing something that isn’t directly related to her “clients”... but that's it. This one person who does sincerely go out of her way to help whoever needs it is why we need these shelters.


No job interviews yet
No new job leads
But still trying.



Maybe I'll take a few better looking photos of myself and officially label myself as an actress or plus size model. Why the Hell not? If JetBlue Boy can be an overnight success for leaving dramatically then surely I have a chance. :p

Reigning Queen

Trauma & Drama

BBF is the now the reigning queen of, well, trauma. Each of us has been through a lot. Each of us have our own screwed up issues and each of us are here for one common reason. There is no arguing that. But the “House Meeting” was nothing more than The Trauma Queen Bitching Hour. The meeting started out harmless enough.

• How are you doing?
• What have you accomplished?
• What do you plan to accomplish this week?
• Any issues?

Trauma Queen did not only take the stage but stole it and kept it hostage. No one was safe from her tirade. First she bashed the Spanish speaking mom in English so she didn’t have a chance to confront or defend herself and then she started in on my roommate who was asleep. At that point I spoke up and gently but firmly said I didn’t feel comfortable talking about someone who isn’t here to confront the issues.

But Trauma Queen would not relinquish her stage. She went on and on until I again spoke up and said.

“All we’re doing is kicking a dead horse. Let’s agree that both mothers need to be spoken to and move on.”

That worked for approximately two minutes. After that I made it obvious that I was uninterested and let her bash away in Spanish knowing I was probably the target for at least scene two.

I stayed awake for that!? What a fucking fraud!

The next morning I did speak up to the attending staff member… I’m sure not much was done but at least someone stood up and said something. If I just made myself a bigger brighter target then so be it.

What really makes me sick (of her) is that she acted as if she did nothing wrong the next morning. Chatting and happily moaning as she went about her way making sure everyone knows yet again as if we couldn't see it or haven't already heard it numerous times before.... that she is injured.

We get it.... We didn't come here to this place thinking we we're going to be the next Big Sister Reality TV Stars!

{breathe}

Again, I remind myself that I have to stay positive for myself. If she is so desperate for the spotlight of any kind whether it is positive or negative that is her concern. Down the road she will see how negative spotlight hogging is only harming her…I hope. I have to worry about me and just me. If I can help someone with something I know, great, but it is not and cannot be my responsibility to point out the better path to anyone.

Time to start making transitional housing calls.

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aka The Starving Artist Diet

*This diet is totally fake. Don't really send me your last $39.99

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As my roommate and I walked back from the park, she noticed that in just the little time I have been here I’ve lost weight…and all I had to do was lose my gym membership, lose my job, lose my home and apply to jobs that are not interested in a technology knowledgeable cashier. 


Damn, I could have saved myself a lot of time and money by not wasting it on a membership, healthy eating and gym clothes. I can't afford to buy jeans that fit the current me. 




Note:Subliminal words were intentional.

Normal Life?

Staying Positive

One of the most difficult things to do in a shelter, any kind of shelter is staying positive. It really amazes me how many of the women here have and are taking advantage of the shelter. I’m not saying this is the norm for all shelters just the one I happen to be in. My roommate and I both truly appreciate and understand how lucky we each are to be here. We understand that the shelter is paying for the roof over our head, the food we eat and the utilities we need to cook food and do laundry. However, the current residents seem to only take advantage of these offerings... and yes I have my own complaints but I still understand how lucky I am to be here instead of on the streets literally.


Communal living isn’t for everyone so when you feel you have no other choice but a shelter you have to be prepared for making sacrifices that you may not like. Communal living means pitching in for everything - that includes cleaning, cooking, conserving resources and even watching children playing outside. I’m not saying free babysitting but if you see a child doing something not safe, tell the mom or tell the child no. What I am witnessing is that the residents do not seem to recognize that they are part of a hive that depends on the entire hive working together as one and not constantly bickering about what one person doesn’t like.

These two distinctly different attitudes and or approaches are what I believe will be the difference between “normal” life success and potential future returns to a shelter. I’m still attempting to locate a transitional housing program for a non addict female who is not a single mom.

I’m discovering new articles across the US that show there is obviously a need for both family and single person shelters. However, what I am discovering in my own search is that single parents and addicts are still the outreach targets for programs. While homelessness has been a big problem for more years than I could research, the new crop of homeless are people that anyone could claim as neighbors or friends… and the resources for this new crop of ‘Homeless’ is not being met. The new crop of homeless has just as much chance (possibly more) at becoming profitably employed. Not because of their current skills but because they too are willing to learn new skills and get back into “normal” life.

Skid Row

The Dangers of Skid Row

This is where the transitional shelter program I will probably be going to is located.



"Rapist Kidnapping Homeless Women on L.A.'s Skid Row"
Published August 12, 2010 | Associated Press



LOS ANGELES -- Los Angeles police are looking for a man they say tied up and raped two women from Skid Row in the past two weeks.


A police statement says a middle-aged, balding man in a brown van gave a 37-year-old homeless woman a ride on Aug. 1, bound her with duct tape and then raped her repeatedly over the next three days before dropping her off in Koreatown.


Police say a man matching the same description picked up a 29-year-old woman on Monday night and offered her a ride to get food. The van drove to a McDonald's but when the woman refused to perform a sex act, police say the man pulled a knife, bound her with duct tape and drove to Alhambra, where he raped her.


Police say he threw her in a trash bin before fleeing.






I’m homeless, single, NOT addicted to any kind of drugs nor am I a single parent. Because I am not an addict, Spanish or Native American, a former prostitute or a single mom, I cannot find a transitional housing program anywheres else. I am educated, had a job and an apartment but have lost everything due to the recession and a bad boyfriend decision. But because I haven't severely screwed up my life with an addiction or whoring and because I don't want to pop out a kid just for the sake of government help there is no assistance for me.

If you really want to help homeless people who want help, donate money to transitional homeless shelters, donate your time in teaching your professional skills to residents so they can get a job and or hire homeless people in these programs.

Female Hell

Why do women talk non stop and don't get it?

I'm in Hell


Now that Trauma Queen is gone and all the secrets are out, BBF (No longer T) has no one to bitch with except me - GrrrrrrEaT.

Turns out Trauma Queen was

• Hooking
• Snorting
• Drinking
• Thieving
• Lying

and Masturbating (in the room with her son above her in the bunk bed and roommate across from her.)

Crap.... I can no longer sit in the dining room with my laptop and just zone out with my laptop. BBF talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks....

If it's not talking from BBF it's the son of one single mom constantly screaming from the moment he wakes up until he finally falls asleep.

BBF just talks and talks and talks... She stops for short breaks in between but I think she only does so to take in a huge breath to start again...sort of like a dragon who breathes fire. Oh crap.... she's taking a breath.


I do feel bad for her but I'm not a therapist.

An hour later and she's still talking.... No quiet TV for me, I'm going to bed.

Gotta Be Something

Addict, Ex-Offender & Prostitute Rewards

...and families... but mostly everything else.


Lighthouse
Mostly only addicts

Candelaria
Native American Only

Project Transitional Living Center
Families Only

Salvavtion Army Ventura
For hardcore / long term addicts & homeless

Turning Point Foundation
Mentally Ill Only

Hawks residence
Addicts

Alexandria House
Addicts & Families Only

House of Ruth
Addicts & Families Only

Salvavtion Army Westwood
Families Only

1st Step Trans Living
Drug Addiction Only

Friendship Shelter
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program

Stephanie Shelter
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program

American Family
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program
or very strong current work history judged by their opinion of what a strong current work history is.

Wise Place
Native American Only

Illumination
Families Only

Mary's Shelter
Young & Pregnant / newborn

Mercy Shelter
HIV/Aids Only

Casa
Young & Pregnant / Newborn

H.O.M.E.S.
Mentally Ill


FYI

Addiction IS NOT a disease.


Disease
dis·ease (d-zz)
n.
1. A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.


This is only a partial list as an example. Approximatively 6 out of 10 are only open to drug or alcohol addiction, single or family. The list doesn't include the ones I didn't call because the website said they only accept addicts, ex-offenders, prostitutes and or long term (mostly unchangeable) homeless.

Single women....
If you want help get an addiction. Otherwise buy yourself a vibrator and do without (abusive) men!

Los Angeles Housing Facts

Some known facts about homeless stats

This doesn't count the ones who were too afraid to be counted or the current DV Shelter residents


From Alexandria House website


There are an estimated 91,000 people homeless each night in Los Angeles County.

Renters in the City of Los Angeles must earn $26 per hour, or $54,080 to afford a market rate unit in the city.

Average rent for a 1-bedroom unit range from $793 to $1,129 and the lowest price found for a 2-bedroom unit was $975.

A minimum-wage worker ($6.75/hour) would need to work 92 hours a week to afford a 1 bedroom unit, and 116 hours a week to afford a 2 bedroom unit.

In Los Angeles, there is a need for 23,968 units of permanent supportive housing for individuals, yet only 2,402 are available.

Less than 1 in 5 households (19%) could afford an average priced home in 2004 in LA County, compared to about 1 in 4 (26%) in 2003.