Saturday, August 14, 2010

Skid Row

The Dangers of Skid Row

This is where the transitional shelter program I will probably be going to is located.

"Rapist Kidnapping Homeless Women on L.A.'s Skid Row"
Published August 12, 2010 | Associated Press

LOS ANGELES -- Los Angeles police are looking for a man they say tied up and raped two women from Skid Row in the past two weeks.

A police statement says a middle-aged, balding man in a brown van gave a 37-year-old homeless woman a ride on Aug. 1, bound her with duct tape and then raped her repeatedly over the next three days before dropping her off in Koreatown.

Police say a man matching the same description picked up a 29-year-old woman on Monday night and offered her a ride to get food. The van drove to a McDonald's but when the woman refused to perform a sex act, police say the man pulled a knife, bound her with duct tape and drove to Alhambra, where he raped her.

Police say he threw her in a trash bin before fleeing.

I’m homeless, single, NOT addicted to any kind of drugs nor am I a single parent. Because I am not an addict, Spanish or Native American, a former prostitute or a single mom, I cannot find a transitional housing program anywheres else. I am educated, had a job and an apartment but have lost everything due to the recession and a bad boyfriend decision. But because I haven't severely screwed up my life with an addiction or whoring and because I don't want to pop out a kid just for the sake of government help there is no assistance for me.

If you really want to help homeless people who want help, donate money to transitional homeless shelters, donate your time in teaching your professional skills to residents so they can get a job and or hire homeless people in these programs.

Common Sense

Make others sick but ask the sick to stay away.

The single mom who is a female life version of Pig Pen... her, the kids & their sleeping room is always filthy...has surprised all of us and yet again has proven that this woman has barley an ounce of common sense. She came to the shelter knowing her young shrieking harpy of a son had the flu and let him play with all the other kids and be around the adults.

Now both my roommate and I are fighting colds and worried about her children. The harpy's mother had the ordasity to ask her son to ask me (because she refuses to learn English) if I should be in the common area with a sore throat and if I had a fever.

I wouldn't be fighting a cold if you had kept your sick son inside your room!

Friday, August 13, 2010

As Fast As You Can

Resident or Case Manger?

I was asked that question by the new woman who just moved in..... Something to think about.

I might be giving the shelter a bad 'look'. Since my case manager can’t or won’t help me find transitional housing I’ve been doing it myself. I’m not one to sit on my ass and wait to be handed anything. Well… I believe that a few of the programs I’ve called are wondering and maybe asking...

“Why is she calling us? Why isn’t her case manger calling us?”

Even though I am still two and a half weeks away from my ‘time limit’ and was told that if I can’t find a place I wouldn’t be kicked out, I am being pressured by my case manager to find a place and fast.

Not everyone who needs help is an addict or a single mom.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Female Hell

Why do women talk non stop and don't get it?

I'm in Hell

Now that Trauma Queen is gone and all the secrets are out, BBF (No longer T) has no one to bitch with except me - GrrrrrrEaT.

Turns out Trauma Queen was

  • Hooking
  • Snorting
  • Drinking
  • Thieving
  • Lying

and Masturbating (in the room with her son above her in the bunk bed and roommate across from her.)

Crap.... I can no longer sit in the dining room with my laptop and just zone out with my laptop. BBF talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks....

If it's not talking from BBF it's the son of one single mom constantly screaming from the moment he wakes up until he finally falls asleep.

BBF just talks and talks and talks... She stops for short breaks in between but I think she only does so to take in a huge breath to start again...sort of like a dragon who breathes fire. Oh crap.... she's taking a breath.

I do feel bad for her but I'm not a therapist.

An hour later and she's still talking.... No quiet TV for me, I'm going to bed.

Gotta Be Something

Addict, Ex-Offender & Prostitute Rewards

...and families... but mostly everything else.

Mostly only addicts

Native American Only

Project Transitional Living Center
Families Only

Salvavtion Army Ventura
For hardcore / long term addicts & homeless

Turning Point Foundation
Mentally Ill Only

Hawks residence

Alexandria House
Addicts & Families Only

House of Ruth
Addicts & Families Only

Salvavtion Army Westwood
Families Only

1st Step Trans Living
Drug Addiction Only

Friendship Shelter
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program

Stephanie Shelter
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program

American Family
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program
or very strong current work history judged by their opinion of what a strong current work history is.

Wise Place
Native American Only

Families Only

Mary's Shelter
Young & Pregnant / newborn

Mercy Shelter
HIV/Aids Only

Young & Pregnant / Newborn

Mentally Ill


Addiction IS NOT a disease.

dis·ease (d-zz)
1. A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.

This is only a partial list as an example. Approximatively 6 out of 10 are only open to drug or alcohol addiction, single or family. The list doesn't include the ones I didn't call because the website said they only accept addicts, ex-offenders, prostitutes and or long term (mostly unchangeable) homeless.

Single women....
If you want help get an addiction. Otherwise buy yourself a vibrator and do without (abusive) men!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Los Angeles Housing Facts

Some known facts about homeless stats

This doesn't count the ones who were too afraid to be counted or the current DV Shelter residents

From Alexandria House website

There are an estimated 91,000 people homeless each night in Los Angeles County.

Renters in the City of Los Angeles must earn $26 per hour, or $54,080 to afford a market rate unit in the city.

Average rent for a 1-bedroom unit range from $793 to $1,129 and the lowest price found for a 2-bedroom unit was $975.

A minimum-wage worker ($6.75/hour) would need to work 92 hours a week to afford a 1 bedroom unit, and 116 hours a week to afford a 2 bedroom unit.

In Los Angeles, there is a need for 23,968 units of permanent supportive housing for individuals, yet only 2,402 are available.

Less than 1 in 5 households (19%) could afford an average priced home in 2004 in LA County, compared to about 1 in 4 (26%) in 2003.

Environments Matter

The environments we are in affects how we act & decisions we make.

BBF is no longer a BBF. When Trauma Queen left she took things belonging to her BBF including her medical sling. T is obviously upset and hurt but she’s also very friendly and pleasant to be around now.

Monday, August 9, 2010

One Step From Broken or Hopeless

When neither is a good choice, what to do?

When I left the abusive situation I thought I was taking the first step towards truly changing things in my life for the better. I didn’t realize that changes meant changes rather they were good or bad. 

I’m now told that I have to go wherever they (shelter) recommends me or a place I find on my own. The only place my “case manager” (who really hasn’t done anything at all) has referred to is more a homeless addict shelter then a transitional house for women. The shelter is loosely a dorm style building that houses dorm rooms next to each other with a flimsy not locking wood panel between the women’s and the men’s room.

Hell, I’m not too keen on being around men at all but know I have to be somewhat flexible. However what sense does it make to put anyone who is from a domestic violence situation and put them around people who are violent, has a history of violence or is potentially violent? If I was to continue living with even one addict I would have stayed with my ex where I lived in middle to upscale neighborhood. I didn’t leave it to live with more than one addict in a dorm room with 10 other women (also addicts) and a flimsy divider to male addicts.

If I was homeless and only homeless I would not question it. However I came from a domestic violence situation with an ex who is an alcoholic and my previous ex before him was a drug addict. The LAST thing I want to be around is current addicts, not really recovering and brand new recovering male addicts. 

In addition....

No kind of pain medication at all, ever and for any reason including OTC meds. They will not even hold them for you in case you need something - zero intake. 
No laptops
No cellphones
No electronic communication gadgets at all.
All communication must be done through the office in the supervision of the shelter staff. 


Fucking Bullshit

Addicts are being rewarded for being addicts! For every one women’s shelter for domestic violence there are five addict shelters. I was turned down from a woman’s DV transitional shelter because I wasn’t an addict of any kind. So those of us who made bad choices for partners but didn’t pollute our bodies are being punished while those who dived into addiction and ruined the lives of their partners, families, friends and children are being rewarded with an abundance of free services. 

I'm step away from 
  • Homeless
  • Living with unknown dangers of homeless addicts
  • or going to CL and choosing a new but different domestic violence situation
No matter which way I currently go I'm fucked. Where can I get a bag of speed and a straw? 

To add insult to injury she said if that shelter doesn't work out "we'll have to find you a room to rent."

...and who will pay for that? I don't have a job, I don't qualify for GR or SSI, the shelter won't provide bus tokens and I've already applied to every business with 2 miles of the shelter (walking distance) and not one has called or emailed me. HOW am I to pay the rent?

The bitch actually told me to have a good night before going home to a place that she knows she will be at until SHE chooses to move. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

I should have stayed with my ex, bought him booze to drink himself into oblivion, give him sleeping pills to sleep and found reasons not to be home. When staying put with an abusive partner is better than going to a domestic violence shelter you know the world is truly fucked and Hell IS Earth.

Trauma Queen

"You are your own worst enemy."

If a person wants to screw up their own life than it is their choice to continue being a fuck up or change. But to be so incredibly selfish and think only of yourself while boasting what a wonderful caring “blessed” being you are and then sneak into a bar (repeatedly) while your BBF watches your kid is just wrong.

Trauma Queen was caught and her son (screw her) is paying the price – they were evicted to whatever location she is able to go regardless of where or what it is. I know for a fact that there are very few openings, one of the limited choices being in Skid Rid in Downtown Los Angeles.

I feel a tremendous amount of sympathy for her son. He deserves so much better and this is wreaking havoc in his life. How many times has she done this to him?

Apparently Trauma Queen has been under suspicion – not surprised since she bragged about her drunken date walk of stupidity to an open air kitchen audience. She asked BBF to watch her son while she went to the store. The current Attendee (and only one who really seems to truly care) followed her into a bar. From there I can only guess that she approached TQ in the bar and told her to go back and pack.

In the minutes lapsing between TQ and the house members leaving she screamed it wasn’t fair while her son just cried. What isn’t fair is that he has her for a mother.

How many times does a person have to fuck up before they get it… before they wake up and realize that they are their own worst enemy and causing their own misery? I know I'm not one to talk or judge but then I'm not one with a son depending on me to provide a safe life.

Been down this path before and I'm taking the left fork this time.

"Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error."
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Transitional Housing

While researching transitional housing on my own (because only one resource was given and they're full), I stumbled upon the website for the domestic violence shelter I'm currently in. before I came here I didn't look up one on the web as my only concern was "Get out!!!"

The shelter says

"Clients have access to individual counseling, support groups, parenting classes, legal advocacy and a job resource center."

What hasn't been offered and or told wasn't available

Individual counseling
Support groups
Legal advocacy
Job resources

Is this a website for a different DV Shelter some place else? Same name different location?

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Praise & Filth

Filth & Praise


“Bad conduct soils the finest ornament more than filth.” - Titus Maccius Plautus

I haven't been to a lot of shelters but it's been common for the residents to share chores and clean up after themselves. Not so at the moment and I'm a forgotten target for the time being in exchange for another... at least I hope so.

9pm at night and the Attendee decides to have a mandatory House meeting...minus the one mom who most needs to be there. House meeting I'm all in favor of. Waking my roommate up to attend a unscheduled House meeting because of the problems (that were loudly bitched about this morning) is a little rude.

Attendee: {me}"What are your goals and what do you want to accomplish tomorrow?"

{thinking} Seriously? Now you care? I want the fuck out here! I want to 'fix' me. I want counseling, education, a job and my own apt again.

Me: "I'm going to be researching transitional housing and continue looking for a job."

After she asks each one she comes back to me

Attendee: {me} "Do you have any concerns?" 
Me: "About?"
Attendee: "Anything. The house, life, God, anything at all."

{thinking} Yea, the place has no structure, no resources, no support, slack rules and we're all on our good (not best) behavior while we all knowingly re-enact a High School persona.

Me: "Not really. I wish the residents were given bus token so we each could have more access to appointments, court dates, doctor appts and do better job hunting."

Roommate agrees - {thank you}

BBF:  "The bathroom is disgusting."
Goes into a long list of what has happened


Praise - the word looks wrong to me... unfamiliar.

My roommate and I decided to go to the beach today. While walking to the bus stop we were talking about American's obsession with weight and looks. Living in Southern California can be especially difficult when you’re literally surrounded by people, products and services telling you to slim down and glamour up. As we were discussing weight I told her I would be delightfully happy if and or when I get to a size 14. Quite honestly she said

"You have nothing to worry about, your already gorgeous."  
She was sincere.

I honestly didn't mean to but I scoffed. After more than 20 years of being told I'm fat, ugly, dumb and unladylike dyke like I just find it too difficult to believe I'm anything other than pleasant; pretty at best. I believe the first three insults are and will be my biggest obstacles. The ones I have never been able to fully overcome, the source of insults and ridicule used against me by my ex abusives and the barriers to genuinely changing my life.

Much like Meth is a pleasure / happiness providing demon to drug addicts, those three entities are my goblins nagging at me to never be more than what I am. A lie, I know, but these three goblins have been with me so long that the eviction is going to long and laborious.

4 gallons in 4 days

The DV Shelter provides food and beverages and the women here consume it like locust. One single mom and her three kids (soon to be four) are the main locust consumers. Now no one has milk for another two weeks.

...and the same single (helpless?) mom is dropping food crumbs and her kid's tiny toys in the hallway and leaving them (& the house) for the rest of us to clean up.

Is this how she treated her home? WTF?!