The staff brought us a whole chicken that is way too much for one person, so one of the residents and I asked everyone if they wanted to do a potluck dinner (DINNER.)
The former doctor's wife said she would join in and we were all delighted because she has been snobbish and rude towards the rest of us. However come Saturday and she is just being nothing but rude and inconsiderate.
Everyone knows I wake up and go into the common areas every morning at the same time. Today I woke up late at 9 am (much later then I normally wake up) and she tells me I can't go into the common area because she is cleaning. I tell her I have work to do and I can't put it off. She says five minutes then. Ok, fine. I give her ten and go get my medicine.
I set up my computer and go to the kitchen to take my pill and she says again I can't go in there. I show her medicine and tell her I need to take my meds. She sighs heavily and says again, five minutes. OK than... She is really bossy.... She than tells the new resident to go wash off the entire backyard and proceeds to tell her how to do it and what to do. The problem is that she tells her to do it by turning on the hose right as one of the residents is outside with no shoes on. Rude things like this have been happening all week long.
She starts making her potluck dinner stuff and we're like um ok. It’s early but sure. She dones around 1pm and we than start our cooking (a resident and I) We spend the entire afternoon cutting, mixing, stuffing and cooking and as soon as it's almost done she announces that it's too late. Lunch is from 12 to 2 and it’s too late now. I tell her it was a potluck dinner, not lunch but whatever. She says she's going to the park and will be back later.
I really don't care anymore. We (other residents) have tried to be nice and she has done nothing but rude and inconsiderate to us. We have spoken to staff about it and all along I have said I don't want to get involved because of what happened before with the previous resident (Special K). But now if the other resident tells staff I will back her up. I really feel like she has metaphorically spit on me and I'm done. I'm going to avoid her as much as possible but I know me and confrontation is something I very much need to work on. I don't handle it without having an attitude.
We're pretty sure she is not even from an abusive partner as she is going to a university (education), divorcing her husband (no police report,) doesn't attend any of the support groups and her daughter is in private school...she is just here for free rent.
Showing posts with label single women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single women. Show all posts
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Things You Should Know
Things that people should have already learned by age 21 but seems like they haven’t…at least not as a shelter resident. Do people forget, never learned them or simply don't care? If the last is the case, why should those who manage the shelters care about the residents?
I don’t know why the little house / shelter resident things are bothering me today but they are. These are things I have seen at the other DV Shelter as well and now seeing them here. Statistically the residents are different. Is age and culture the difference? Maybe so. How or why do some people forget what environments they came from after a few days to a week and try to enforce their way of living on others... isn't that what we DV woman left?
Consider this
If it is not ok for us to be made to feel and or physically made to do things our now ex partners wanted us to do, why would it be ok to try to force anther resident to act or to do things we want them to do against their will / preference?
This list of should but don’t know things should be obvious to everyone, but it’s not. Is it because we don’t own this place? It’s not ours; we don’t pay money (rent) to be here so we do not feel obligated to care for it while here? It’s annoying. It’s really annoying that we’re given a free place to sleep, free food to eat, free beverages, free utilities and even free clothing when available and all of this does not include the free resources were given such as free medical care and often step in much quicker than those calling in for an appointment that do not live in a shelter. Uggg I thought my time at the beach resolved some of this but apparently I need an extra dose.
SO
Things that people should have already learned by age 21 but seems like they haven’t…at least not in shelters.
Close the door - The house has two doors, a security screen door and a standard door – close one of them. Flies suck and they’re annoying when they buzz around your food plate when your trying to eat. Plus we have fruits and vegetables on the counter and California has fruit flies – they’re dangerous. Shut at least one of the doors.
Bathroom Privacy - If the bathroom door is shut, knock first, wait to see if someone answers and than wait if you hear someone say they’re in there. DON'T try the door yourself to see if your kid was just making it up. When someone says several times, “Just a moment”, that means give that person a moment to finish their ‘business’ before entering the bathroom.
Dirty Hands - Washing your hands really is a necessity after using the bathroom, especially and specifically for children. They should absolutely be washing their hands after using the bathroom each and every time. I can plainly see what the kids are doing and its worrisome what I can’t see them doing and than wanting to grab and play with me (as all kids like to do with adults who are not their parents) knowing / suspecting their hands haven’t been washed since their bath the night before – GROSS!
Rocks Are Not Toys - Throwing rocks inside the house is not a good idea. Throwing rocks at your brother /sister is really NOT a good idea. I can remain silent on a lot of things but that is not one of them. If you breed them, care for them.
Priorities - Your kids are more important than your makeup and or dying your hair.
Eating Habits - Kids really do need fresh vegetables. Canned dinners and frozen cartoon chicken nuggets is ok occasionally but seriously… the stuff that grows from the ground isn’t (shouldn’t be) optional eating choices.
The shelter took you in because you said you were being abused physically, mentally and or emotionally. That means you have a choice between getting your little life luxuries and continuing to be a victim or being in a safe place with generic items and an opportunity to make your life better so that later on you can afford to have your luxuries without the abusive spouse / partner…which one is more important?
Free doesn't mean you get to abuse it
If you’re getting things for free appreciate them and don’t bitch about the things you’re not getting. The shelter only offers the 99 cents store type shampoo and conditioner instead of the $5 to $9 shampoo and conditioner – wah. Its free deal with it.
Think about other people than yourself - You’re not paying rent, utilities, food and referred to medical care when needed as well as encouraged to apply to CalWorks or GR…this means you’re getting money and Food Stamps on top of getting free food and rent… Don’t take advantage of the shelter freebies. Don’t write your name on something the shelter provided for all of the residents to share, help keep the place clean, tidy and request only a few cheap / inexpensive items to compliment your Food Stamps. Do not horde the free items so you can stock pile the food pantry when you move out and into your own place. That’s simply wrong.
Mind Your Own Business - You are here to help yourself not police others to act the way you believe they should act and or do the things you believe they should do. If you have a safety concern, inform the staff. They staff will make a decision. If they decide that your concern is not / will not endanger you or others accept it. You don’t get your way simply because you complained about it.
People Are Different - If you don’t understand it than tolerate it. Tolerate that they are different and let them be. You don’t have to accept that they are different from you only let them live there with you without your comments, bitching, complaints or stressful nagging that they should try it your way…even after they have and still do not agree with you. Leave people alone that you don’t like.
Think first, act second - If you’re confused about this, ask a shelter staff attendant.
I don’t know why the little house / shelter resident things are bothering me today but they are. These are things I have seen at the other DV Shelter as well and now seeing them here. Statistically the residents are different. Is age and culture the difference? Maybe so. How or why do some people forget what environments they came from after a few days to a week and try to enforce their way of living on others... isn't that what we DV woman left?
Consider this
If it is not ok for us to be made to feel and or physically made to do things our now ex partners wanted us to do, why would it be ok to try to force anther resident to act or to do things we want them to do against their will / preference?
This list of should but don’t know things should be obvious to everyone, but it’s not. Is it because we don’t own this place? It’s not ours; we don’t pay money (rent) to be here so we do not feel obligated to care for it while here? It’s annoying. It’s really annoying that we’re given a free place to sleep, free food to eat, free beverages, free utilities and even free clothing when available and all of this does not include the free resources were given such as free medical care and often step in much quicker than those calling in for an appointment that do not live in a shelter. Uggg I thought my time at the beach resolved some of this but apparently I need an extra dose.
SO
Things that people should have already learned by age 21 but seems like they haven’t…at least not in shelters.
Close the door - The house has two doors, a security screen door and a standard door – close one of them. Flies suck and they’re annoying when they buzz around your food plate when your trying to eat. Plus we have fruits and vegetables on the counter and California has fruit flies – they’re dangerous. Shut at least one of the doors.
Bathroom Privacy - If the bathroom door is shut, knock first, wait to see if someone answers and than wait if you hear someone say they’re in there. DON'T try the door yourself to see if your kid was just making it up. When someone says several times, “Just a moment”, that means give that person a moment to finish their ‘business’ before entering the bathroom.
Dirty Hands - Washing your hands really is a necessity after using the bathroom, especially and specifically for children. They should absolutely be washing their hands after using the bathroom each and every time. I can plainly see what the kids are doing and its worrisome what I can’t see them doing and than wanting to grab and play with me (as all kids like to do with adults who are not their parents) knowing / suspecting their hands haven’t been washed since their bath the night before – GROSS!
Rocks Are Not Toys - Throwing rocks inside the house is not a good idea. Throwing rocks at your brother /sister is really NOT a good idea. I can remain silent on a lot of things but that is not one of them. If you breed them, care for them.
Priorities - Your kids are more important than your makeup and or dying your hair.
Eating Habits - Kids really do need fresh vegetables. Canned dinners and frozen cartoon chicken nuggets is ok occasionally but seriously… the stuff that grows from the ground isn’t (shouldn’t be) optional eating choices.
The shelter took you in because you said you were being abused physically, mentally and or emotionally. That means you have a choice between getting your little life luxuries and continuing to be a victim or being in a safe place with generic items and an opportunity to make your life better so that later on you can afford to have your luxuries without the abusive spouse / partner…which one is more important?
Free doesn't mean you get to abuse it
If you’re getting things for free appreciate them and don’t bitch about the things you’re not getting. The shelter only offers the 99 cents store type shampoo and conditioner instead of the $5 to $9 shampoo and conditioner – wah. Its free deal with it.
Think about other people than yourself - You’re not paying rent, utilities, food and referred to medical care when needed as well as encouraged to apply to CalWorks or GR…this means you’re getting money and Food Stamps on top of getting free food and rent… Don’t take advantage of the shelter freebies. Don’t write your name on something the shelter provided for all of the residents to share, help keep the place clean, tidy and request only a few cheap / inexpensive items to compliment your Food Stamps. Do not horde the free items so you can stock pile the food pantry when you move out and into your own place. That’s simply wrong.
Mind Your Own Business - You are here to help yourself not police others to act the way you believe they should act and or do the things you believe they should do. If you have a safety concern, inform the staff. They staff will make a decision. If they decide that your concern is not / will not endanger you or others accept it. You don’t get your way simply because you complained about it.
People Are Different - If you don’t understand it than tolerate it. Tolerate that they are different and let them be. You don’t have to accept that they are different from you only let them live there with you without your comments, bitching, complaints or stressful nagging that they should try it your way…even after they have and still do not agree with you. Leave people alone that you don’t like.
Think first, act second - If you’re confused about this, ask a shelter staff attendant.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
What The Fuck!?
Teen gets 12-month sentence for minor offense, juvenile counselor gets probation for rape!
A hulking juvenile counselor named Tony Simmons led her in handcuffs from the girls holding area to the elevator.
She expected Tyson, as Simmons was called, to bring her up to the courtroom where she was scheduled to be sentenced for filing a false police report.
Instead, the elevator descended to the basement. The 42-year-old counselor pulled down her pants and raped her with calm, practiced precision that made him all the more terrifying.
"He knew exactly what he was doing," Ashley said. "Everything."
When he was done, Simmons pulled her pants back up and the elevator ascended to the courtroom. He raised an extended index finger to his lips in a mute command for her to say nothing.
Simmons continued to prey on teenagers in his custody until 2008, when a 15-year-old girl came forward to say he had sodomized her behind a locker in the girls holding area, which he stocked with condoms and cookies. Investigators believe the assaults go back a decade to the rape of a 13-year-old in the holding area.
"Just the tip of the iceberg," Assistant District Attorney Amir Vonsover said in 2008, when Simmons was indicted for three sex assaults.
On Sept. 27, Simmons appeared in court and pleaded guilty to raping Ashley and sexually assaulting two other teens.
He received probation.
LINK
A hulking juvenile counselor named Tony Simmons led her in handcuffs from the girls holding area to the elevator.
She expected Tyson, as Simmons was called, to bring her up to the courtroom where she was scheduled to be sentenced for filing a false police report.
Instead, the elevator descended to the basement. The 42-year-old counselor pulled down her pants and raped her with calm, practiced precision that made him all the more terrifying.
"He knew exactly what he was doing," Ashley said. "Everything."
When he was done, Simmons pulled her pants back up and the elevator ascended to the courtroom. He raised an extended index finger to his lips in a mute command for her to say nothing.
Simmons continued to prey on teenagers in his custody until 2008, when a 15-year-old girl came forward to say he had sodomized her behind a locker in the girls holding area, which he stocked with condoms and cookies. Investigators believe the assaults go back a decade to the rape of a 13-year-old in the holding area.
"Just the tip of the iceberg," Assistant District Attorney Amir Vonsover said in 2008, when Simmons was indicted for three sex assaults.
On Sept. 27, Simmons appeared in court and pleaded guilty to raping Ashley and sexually assaulting two other teens.
He received probation.
LINK
Friday, October 1, 2010
Apocalypse
The seven eight signs of the apocalypse.
There are eight... Special K was nice to me by complimenting me. That has got to be a sign of apocalypse. Maybe she came down from whatever it is she is or has but the day before yesterday she wished me good luck on my interview....and meant it. Then she walked out and never came back to the shelter. Didn’t bother to tell the staff where she was going or even calling to say she was leaving. They had no idea where she was or if she was even dead. She finally called today to get her belongings. No thank you for housing me or feeding me, just I want my stuff back.
The second interview went great and I’m scheduled for a third on Monday. Now the big worry is where I will live. It’s in another county and I know that both the homeless shelters and transitional housing programs are full. I spent today emailing churches and community resources. Two got back to me so far. Unfortunately one doesn't open their shelter until December. But the other asked me for my resume as proof I'm real and not some scammer. Plus my case manager (much better one this time) is planning to talk to me Tuesday. This way I'll know or hopefully I will know better if this job really is going to happen.
I called my first DV roommate a few days ago and she emailed me tonight. She's not made at me for flaking out. I was worried she would be disappointed or something or figure that I wasn't worth the time if I couldn't get it right the first time (for her knowing me.) And I will get it right this time. We're going to try to meet for lunch come Monday.
I did terrible at my last interview for a different company. I was over confident and under prepared. Uggg, won't let that happen again.
My current roommate is going back home to her original home state. I'm pretty glad she’s going. I had a lot of fun with her last weekend but she become a mooch, always asking me to buy her this or that. Not interested in being anyone's proxy boyfriend. Especially to one who wants nothing but luxury items and doesn't even appreciate the things she's given by the shelter. She actually threw away some extremely nice clothing because she couldn't fit it in her backpack. I savaged them because I know there will be another woman who will need them after she leaves. Plus, she's a hidden slob. She throws food under tables or chairs and leaves them there. Yuck!
As of 9 pm tonight, I have a casual weekend and a room all to myself...ahhhhh. I plan to enjoy it while I can.
There are eight... Special K was nice to me by complimenting me. That has got to be a sign of apocalypse. Maybe she came down from whatever it is she is or has but the day before yesterday she wished me good luck on my interview....and meant it. Then she walked out and never came back to the shelter. Didn’t bother to tell the staff where she was going or even calling to say she was leaving. They had no idea where she was or if she was even dead. She finally called today to get her belongings. No thank you for housing me or feeding me, just I want my stuff back.
The second interview went great and I’m scheduled for a third on Monday. Now the big worry is where I will live. It’s in another county and I know that both the homeless shelters and transitional housing programs are full. I spent today emailing churches and community resources. Two got back to me so far. Unfortunately one doesn't open their shelter until December. But the other asked me for my resume as proof I'm real and not some scammer. Plus my case manager (much better one this time) is planning to talk to me Tuesday. This way I'll know or hopefully I will know better if this job really is going to happen.
I called my first DV roommate a few days ago and she emailed me tonight. She's not made at me for flaking out. I was worried she would be disappointed or something or figure that I wasn't worth the time if I couldn't get it right the first time (for her knowing me.) And I will get it right this time. We're going to try to meet for lunch come Monday.
I did terrible at my last interview for a different company. I was over confident and under prepared. Uggg, won't let that happen again.
My current roommate is going back home to her original home state. I'm pretty glad she’s going. I had a lot of fun with her last weekend but she become a mooch, always asking me to buy her this or that. Not interested in being anyone's proxy boyfriend. Especially to one who wants nothing but luxury items and doesn't even appreciate the things she's given by the shelter. She actually threw away some extremely nice clothing because she couldn't fit it in her backpack. I savaged them because I know there will be another woman who will need them after she leaves. Plus, she's a hidden slob. She throws food under tables or chairs and leaves them there. Yuck!
As of 9 pm tonight, I have a casual weekend and a room all to myself...ahhhhh. I plan to enjoy it while I can.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Delusional paranoid but not domestic violence
Bad habits are hard to break. I befriended Special K in hopes that if I did she would loosen up. She did until she became a delusional paranoid...but after she dressed extremely sexy, flirted with almost every single good looking man, sexually came on to two members of the band and stayed until after the band stopped playing in hopes of getting at least one phone number. So let me back up a bit....
Special K asked resident (a) and I to go with her to see a band. When we were getting dressed up to go Special K asked me to take a photo of her. This turned into a silly photo shoot using my camera phone. no biggie, just a few silly pictures. At 9 I was ready to go because I wake up early to go job hunting. However Special K was having too much fun dancing like a stripper so she said she would walk home alone...so be it.
A couple of days later I mentioned that I needed to come up with a new blog that was personal that I could use for my resume (blogging jobs.) Special K came to me and said she had an idea for me to use as a blog topic. We talked about it where each of us contributed ideas on what it could be about. I came up with the idea of women posting stories about anything at all but the common dominator being that all posting would be women from domestic violence experiences, not writing stories about domestic violence just that they had that one common trait. Special K asked questions and the conclusion was that it wasn’t a good idea because it was too difficult to do.
After the conversation I went to my room to get dressed and ready to leave for job hunting. I went into the kitchen and Special K immediately verbally attacked me accusing me of posting things about her online, demanding I remove things I had said about her online, telling me I did not have her permission to talk about her online and then demanded I delete the
photos I took of her.
I repeatedly told her that I have never posted her pictures online and hadn't even uploaded them to email to her (as she requested.) I told her I would delete the pictures and said she can watch me delete them. She continually told me to remove anything I said about her online and I did not have her permission to talk about her ect…
When we went to my room I handed Kelly (opps) my phone so she could delete the pictures herself…which she did and deleted personal photos that were not even taken in the city of Los Angeles. I then showed her that I deleted the photos not only of her but of all of us as well. She repeatedly asked me if I had uploaded her pictures to the internet and I told her over and over I would show her my email account to prove nothing but that the other resident's pictures were emailed from that night.
Then she questioned me about having photos of children in my phone (the ones she deleted). At that point I got severely defensive and said those photos were of my friend’s kids and she had no rights what so ever to tell me what pictures I
could not have.
From there it only escalated... when I got home she played the wounded 16 year old. After five minutes too many I told her to take it to the staff, which she did. When I followed to talk to staff she accused me of stalking and chasing after her, bashing the office door in (I refused to let it be slammed in my face by her) and then said I was preventing her from leaving the office because I was in the doorway.
Tonight I refused to change my routine and did as I always do after a day of job looking... got my laptop and went to the dining hall to watch tv and research work (resume) related blog information. She immediately cried to the staff about how unfair I was to be using my laptop in her presence. Complained and bitched so much that the staff member finally came to me to go to the office to use my laptop. At first I said she needed to grow up and deal with it. But I could see how frustrated she was with Special K so I relented. Apparently she had ranted and complained for well over 30 minutes. That was how long I was watching TV before she came to me. She also took me aside and kindly asked me to try and stay on this side for a while to give her space. We both know it’s not fair to me but one of us has to give in and be sensible and it isn't worth a fight for me so... here I am in the office space. But I'm going back and Kelly (opps) can just throw her hissy fit until she explodes...as long as I don't have to clean it up.
One thing I have learned from this experience is that not all of the women who go to DV Shelters belong here. They may be fucked up basket cases but that doesn't mean they deserve to go to a DV Shelter. If I had to live with Special K I would do heavy drugs too. Then again there is such a thing as an eviction process...the drugs are easier.
The sad truth is that she is jealous. My roommate and I get along really well (hmm maybe I’m not such a bitch) and we spent last laughing so hard we were in tears. We saw her walk back and forth outside our window at least twice. We’re in a separate building so we only go inside the main building for the kitchen and meals. Since this begun Special K has tried to cozy up to my roommate who wants nothing to do with her because she is creeped out by the overly friendly (desperate) attempts at friendship with her. She doesn’t like to be touched and Special K literally forces herself onto her and hugs her…or tries to. Now my roommate is timid of even going to the kitchen without me. Grrreeat. :/
Special K asked resident (a) and I to go with her to see a band. When we were getting dressed up to go Special K asked me to take a photo of her. This turned into a silly photo shoot using my camera phone. no biggie, just a few silly pictures. At 9 I was ready to go because I wake up early to go job hunting. However Special K was having too much fun dancing like a stripper so she said she would walk home alone...so be it.
A couple of days later I mentioned that I needed to come up with a new blog that was personal that I could use for my resume (blogging jobs.) Special K came to me and said she had an idea for me to use as a blog topic. We talked about it where each of us contributed ideas on what it could be about. I came up with the idea of women posting stories about anything at all but the common dominator being that all posting would be women from domestic violence experiences, not writing stories about domestic violence just that they had that one common trait. Special K asked questions and the conclusion was that it wasn’t a good idea because it was too difficult to do.
After the conversation I went to my room to get dressed and ready to leave for job hunting. I went into the kitchen and Special K immediately verbally attacked me accusing me of posting things about her online, demanding I remove things I had said about her online, telling me I did not have her permission to talk about her online and then demanded I delete the
photos I took of her.
I repeatedly told her that I have never posted her pictures online and hadn't even uploaded them to email to her (as she requested.) I told her I would delete the pictures and said she can watch me delete them. She continually told me to remove anything I said about her online and I did not have her permission to talk about her ect…
When we went to my room I handed Kelly (opps) my phone so she could delete the pictures herself…which she did and deleted personal photos that were not even taken in the city of Los Angeles. I then showed her that I deleted the photos not only of her but of all of us as well. She repeatedly asked me if I had uploaded her pictures to the internet and I told her over and over I would show her my email account to prove nothing but that the other resident's pictures were emailed from that night.
Then she questioned me about having photos of children in my phone (the ones she deleted). At that point I got severely defensive and said those photos were of my friend’s kids and she had no rights what so ever to tell me what pictures I
could not have.
From there it only escalated... when I got home she played the wounded 16 year old. After five minutes too many I told her to take it to the staff, which she did. When I followed to talk to staff she accused me of stalking and chasing after her, bashing the office door in (I refused to let it be slammed in my face by her) and then said I was preventing her from leaving the office because I was in the doorway.
Tonight I refused to change my routine and did as I always do after a day of job looking... got my laptop and went to the dining hall to watch tv and research work (resume) related blog information. She immediately cried to the staff about how unfair I was to be using my laptop in her presence. Complained and bitched so much that the staff member finally came to me to go to the office to use my laptop. At first I said she needed to grow up and deal with it. But I could see how frustrated she was with Special K so I relented. Apparently she had ranted and complained for well over 30 minutes. That was how long I was watching TV before she came to me. She also took me aside and kindly asked me to try and stay on this side for a while to give her space. We both know it’s not fair to me but one of us has to give in and be sensible and it isn't worth a fight for me so... here I am in the office space. But I'm going back and Kelly (opps) can just throw her hissy fit until she explodes...as long as I don't have to clean it up.
One thing I have learned from this experience is that not all of the women who go to DV Shelters belong here. They may be fucked up basket cases but that doesn't mean they deserve to go to a DV Shelter. If I had to live with Special K I would do heavy drugs too. Then again there is such a thing as an eviction process...the drugs are easier.
The sad truth is that she is jealous. My roommate and I get along really well (hmm maybe I’m not such a bitch) and we spent last laughing so hard we were in tears. We saw her walk back and forth outside our window at least twice. We’re in a separate building so we only go inside the main building for the kitchen and meals. Since this begun Special K has tried to cozy up to my roommate who wants nothing to do with her because she is creeped out by the overly friendly (desperate) attempts at friendship with her. She doesn’t like to be touched and Special K literally forces herself onto her and hugs her…or tries to. Now my roommate is timid of even going to the kitchen without me. Grrreeat. :/
Monday, August 23, 2010
True Blood
Explaining True blood and why I laughed during the scene when the preacher was on national TV was a bit difficult. My roommate has never heard of and therefore never seen the show. I find the parallel moments of fiction and reality morbidly funny.
Vampire Terrorist – an individual that doesn’t represent all vampires
Conservative Bible thumping Vampire Hater – preaching that the vampires have shown their evilness
Sound familiar?
I stopped my show (I watch True Blood online) and I explained the premises of the show as best I could. Trying to explain the humorous side of what I believed to be the writers taking real life and exchanging the names and characters only is amusing to me.
This led to a serious discussion about how much America has changed since 9/11 and how anyone different is looked at with suspicion and even scorn. This is especially true for anyone of the Middle East…and how sad it is that so many Americans regardless of color, race, culture or religion has chosen to stay afraid. That so many have chosen to give up precious rights for government control in the name of freedom. I’m not saying that strict security shouldn’t exist. However, the ideology that if you have nothing to hide, then you have no reason to NOT allow the government into every aspect of your life is simply misguided and wrong.
But I couldn’t allow the conversation to stay so serious and sad… so I brought out the comedian in me and almost made her choke on her food a couple of times. With peanut gallery comments / editorials, I told her about the silly and sadly true conspiracy theories some believe about Jews…
Then I told her about Achmed the Dead Terrorist and how it never said Female Virgins “Holy Crap!”
…and I finished with an introduction to The Darwin Awards
She laughed and laughed and I think it was good for her to just let in a little silliness.
Vampire Terrorist – an individual that doesn’t represent all vampires
Conservative Bible thumping Vampire Hater – preaching that the vampires have shown their evilness
Sound familiar?
I stopped my show (I watch True Blood online) and I explained the premises of the show as best I could. Trying to explain the humorous side of what I believed to be the writers taking real life and exchanging the names and characters only is amusing to me.
This led to a serious discussion about how much America has changed since 9/11 and how anyone different is looked at with suspicion and even scorn. This is especially true for anyone of the Middle East…and how sad it is that so many Americans regardless of color, race, culture or religion has chosen to stay afraid. That so many have chosen to give up precious rights for government control in the name of freedom. I’m not saying that strict security shouldn’t exist. However, the ideology that if you have nothing to hide, then you have no reason to NOT allow the government into every aspect of your life is simply misguided and wrong.
But I couldn’t allow the conversation to stay so serious and sad… so I brought out the comedian in me and almost made her choke on her food a couple of times. With peanut gallery comments / editorials, I told her about the silly and sadly true conspiracy theories some believe about Jews…
- They’re from out of space
- They’re the ones who stole the Twin Towers and are hiding them
- They possess precious Jew Gold that is more valuable then common gold
Then I told her about Achmed the Dead Terrorist and how it never said Female Virgins “Holy Crap!”
…and I finished with an introduction to The Darwin Awards
She laughed and laughed and I think it was good for her to just let in a little silliness.
Balls To The Wall
That’s the saying
...that is what my social worker friend tells me I must do and I did. My “Case Manager” started pushing me to yet again consider and go to the transitional housing program that is five miles from where my abusive ex boyfriend occasionally works. I was shocked and even angry as was evident as my voice speed increased. But I kept my balls to the wall and insisted that if he saw me on the street in the area he was not going to be safe and happy to see me. I saw and heard that I got my point across as she sighed heavily and then proceeded to give me a live in housing exchange. I thought wow… maybe she was really going to give me something of value – no. The live in exchange is in the rural redwood forests. How the bloody &*$! am I to get a job in a rural area when I cannot even get one in an area with more than five hundred thousand people? I said I would think about it and I did; angrily. Then I calmed down and went back to her, stood my ground and said (paraphrasing)
The reason I want to go to X is because it has a wonderful program that truly helps everyone in the program. It has employment assistance, new training skills, medical, housing assistance and support, support groups and counseling. I don’t just need someone to help me get a job and a new apartment or even a shared apartment. I need someone to help me help myself. I keep making the same abusive choices again and again and I need to stop it. I need support and a mentor type person to help me stay on the right path and stay away from negative people and abusive men. I can’t get that at a homeless shelter or a rural location. X or even X offers everything I need to help me help myself…otherwise I’m just going to end up back at another domestic violence shelter again in a couple of years.
I think this time she heard me… I think this time she listened.
She may be trying to push me out for Trauma Queen's sake but I don't care. Trauma Queen is not my concern and I will not allow her to get in my way. After I finished, she said the program sounded like a good program and she picked up the phone to call the transitional housing program.
Push the limit, go all out, full speed ahead - "Balls to the wall"
I think that my roommate wishes I would go to the same transitional housing program as her... I actually wish I could. But it's the one that is way too close to my ex. We get along well and her kids listen to me. They're not use to listening to mom as a diplinary figure as dad made them afraid to do any wrong and mom was a protector not a defender.
I do wish I could.... but as much as I care about her and wish her well I have to be selfish in this.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
of the House
Drama Drama Drama
Trauma Queen has been able to convince at least one person that she is the continued victim and is being unfairly targeted for all sorts of meanness. Her Case Manager is also my Case Manager. Case Manager spends so much time attending to Trauma Queen that maybe she has voluntarily given in and chooses to believe her because it’s easier than seeing through the BS and seeing the truth.
My Case Manager asked me how I was and instead of gifting her with a Trauma Queen expected response I told her the antibiotics were working. I’m sure that is not what she was expecting as she stopped texting on her cell phone and looked up at me with a question in her expression that translated into “is that all?” I didn’t add anything to my answer other than to say I was there to take my medicine.
The three transitional programs I called that I know for a fact have an opening…. I was told by my so called Case Manager, that they no longer had an opening. I plan to call first thing Monday morning and again talk to these three shelters and write down the name of the person I speak to and give those names to my so called Case Manager with a request to call that day… subtly telling the program manager I have found openings.
...and it continues...
Trauma Queen is missing her disgusting soap that has sat in the bathroom shower for at least a month and is now missing. I’m sure it was thrown away as it looked too gross for anyone to want to use. I went into the kitchen where my roommate told me of the newest Trauma Queen Enemy of the House – her. TQ asked if she knew what happened to her soap and my roommate responded she had no idea…
TQ said “I knew you would say that,” and stalked off.
{sigh}
My roommate and I talk about real life issues and unfortunately this has become one of them. I reminded her that her only concern is her and her children. Nothing else matters but providing for them and herself. Just as nothing else matters for me except getting myself back to an acceptable living level of happiness - providing for myself.
She made a statement that I can’t help but sadly agree with and relate to. When you have people like Trauma Queen in the world you can’t help but question whether or not you even want to try to get to know people. However, I pointed out that I can provide an admirable example of why it is worth it. I pointed out the differences between her and myself and stated that even with our differences we get along wonderfully.
“Thats why it’s worth getting to know new people.”
What Would You Do?
Would you say something?
When my boyfriend attacked me, I screamed as loudly as humanly possible knowing all of the windows were wide open. No one knocked on our door or even called the police. When I went outside and was talking to the police on the phone, my neighbors came out to do 'stuff. They fiddled around with 'stuff' (gawking at the car accident syndrome,) but not a single one would look at me let alone ask me if I was ok.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Everything is OK
Even if it’s not.
24 hours and not the former television show, can produce a lot of blog material. Yesterday late afternoon Trauma Queen fainted again. I thoroughly felt bad for her as I was the one who caught her mid faint and carried her down to the floor…and received a nasty scratch and bruise for my efforts.
I stayed with her performing semi basic paramedic responses – wiggle fingers & toes and take deep breathe. She was out for a short time but kept my voice going while she was out and until the paramedics wheeled her away. The on duty attendee was a bit shaken but handled it well while I kept TQ calm, focused and breathing. This I thought was proof that maybe she wasn’t entirely faking.
I sometimes wonder if there is a part of me that has died. I was completely calm and non reactive during the entire ordeal. It never even crossed my mind to freak out. It was if I was doing something I have done a thousand times before. It actually worries me a little that not an ounce of me was worried or freaked out.
Much later that night in the wee hours of the morning TQ was released and came home. Her arrival wasn’t what I would have expected. For starters I thought with a concussion the hospital would keep her overnight. Second she was pretty lively for someone who has fallen and fainted three separate times in less than a week.
Moving on…
The next morning it was my turn for a visit to the hospital. Not a trip I was looking forward to but a necessary “I need my medicine” visit. However the visit turned out to be more productive then I was expecting. Turns out the hospital has a program for people who have zero income. Furthermore people in shelters get same day temporary approval. So I didn’t have to wait (suffer) without my medicine for days. This has been one of my top three major concerns recently – housing, jobs & how I would get my medicine that keeps me alive.
But before I found out about the program I couldn’t help but start down the same old corridor to insanity way of thinking. What if they don’t provide my medicine? What am I going to do? How am I going to be able to live without it? As always when I let myself slip into that kind of thinking depression quickly slips in… and thoughts of wondering if I would truly be better off dead than constantly fighting to live. Truth is I wish I could. But I have some kind of element inside me that is a survivor and won’t allow me to give up or genuinely kill myself. I’ve tried unsuccessfully and failed without even the decently of the necessity for an ER visit, so suicide is not an option.
But that is neither here or there because the program was introduced to me. But as I always do I think too much and these days have not changed that.
I’m tired of pretending that everything is A OK – it’s not. I’m tired of putting on a happy face whenever I feel people expect it from me. Tired of being the positive one, finding the information needed, being strong and not weak. Even though I know I would hate it, I wish I could be the whiner, the one who needs lots of attentions and help to do everything.
I know that is not who I am but sometimes I just wish it could be.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Bad Day
Sickness & Trauma Queens SUCK!
Woke up feeling like there was a boulder sitting on my lungs.
No openings yet for transitional housing…again
Received a scammer job email asking me for all of my personal identification information
The little boy is screaming his harpy song stronger than usual today.
Was given a list of employment agencies to contact - over half is work I can’t do or have no experience in…still sending them my resume.
Headache is slam dancing
Trauma Queen took the rest of the saltines into her room… I’m not eating much and saltine crackers have been the only thing I have been eating steadily throughout the day this week. It’s not as if there isn’t an entire kitchen or pantry full of food and beverages so you’d think the bitch could leave me the least expensive snack in the entire fucking shelter!
No drugs so I can’t knock myself out with Nightquil or sleeping aids – FUCK! That could totally qualify as an addiction!
Last night Trauma Queen insisted I feel her goose egg bump where she fell down (again) and knocked her head. Here's a tip - stop falling down for attention! I don't have to touch you to know you have Traumatic Reenactment Syndrome (TRS) - get a therapist not shelter residents to touch your multiple injuries.
I know that may sound callous but I'm sick of hearing her whine about everything and everyone and listening over and over again to her complaints and issues. We ALL have issues here but now is the time to start the process of getting past them and starting new, not rehashing them every single day.
Ahhhh - the harpie boy is non stop today! I even spoke up telling the little boy loudly & very firmly NO! (and putting my finger in front of my lips) - this shocked the boy and his mother for a few moments. She finally took the little harpie outside to annoy the neighbors.
Headache raging - going back to my room.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Normal Life?
Staying Positive
One of the most difficult things to do in a shelter, any kind of shelter is staying positive. It really amazes me how many of the women here have and are taking advantage of the shelter. I’m not saying this is the norm for all shelters just the one I happen to be in. My roommate and I both truly appreciate and understand how lucky we each are to be here. We understand that the shelter is paying for the roof over our head, the food we eat and the utilities we need to cook food and do laundry. However, the current residents seem to only take advantage of these offerings... and yes I have my own complaints but I still understand how lucky I am to be here instead of on the streets literally.
Communal living isn’t for everyone so when you feel you have no other choice but a shelter you have to be prepared for making sacrifices that you may not like. Communal living means pitching in for everything - that includes cleaning, cooking, conserving resources and even watching children playing outside. I’m not saying free babysitting but if you see a child doing something not safe, tell the mom or tell the child no. What I am witnessing is that the residents do not seem to recognize that they are part of a hive that depends on the entire hive working together as one and not constantly bickering about what one person doesn’t like.
These two distinctly different attitudes and or approaches are what I believe will be the difference between “normal” life success and potential future returns to a shelter. I’m still attempting to locate a transitional housing program for a non addict female who is not a single mom.
I’m discovering new articles across the US that show there is obviously a need for both family and single person shelters. However, what I am discovering in my own search is that single parents and addicts are still the outreach targets for programs. While homelessness has been a big problem for more years than I could research, the new crop of homeless are people that anyone could claim as neighbors or friends… and the resources for this new crop of ‘Homeless’ is not being met. The new crop of homeless has just as much chance (possibly more) at becoming profitably employed. Not because of their current skills but because they too are willing to learn new skills and get back into “normal” life.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Skid Row
The Dangers of Skid Row
This is where the transitional shelter program I will probably be going to is located."Rapist Kidnapping Homeless Women on L.A.'s Skid Row"
Published August 12, 2010 | Associated Press
LOS ANGELES -- Los Angeles police are looking for a man they say tied up and raped two women from Skid Row in the past two weeks.
A police statement says a middle-aged, balding man in a brown van gave a 37-year-old homeless woman a ride on Aug. 1, bound her with duct tape and then raped her repeatedly over the next three days before dropping her off in Koreatown.
Police say a man matching the same description picked up a 29-year-old woman on Monday night and offered her a ride to get food. The van drove to a McDonald's but when the woman refused to perform a sex act, police say the man pulled a knife, bound her with duct tape and drove to Alhambra, where he raped her.
Police say he threw her in a trash bin before fleeing.
I’m homeless, single, NOT addicted to any kind of drugs nor am I a single parent. Because I am not an addict, Spanish or Native American, a former prostitute or a single mom, I cannot find a transitional housing program anywheres else. I am educated, had a job and an apartment but have lost everything due to the recession and a bad boyfriend decision. But because I haven't severely screwed up my life with an addiction or whoring and because I don't want to pop out a kid just for the sake of government help there is no assistance for me.
If you really want to help homeless people who want help, donate money to transitional homeless shelters, donate your time in teaching your professional skills to residents so they can get a job and or hire homeless people in these programs.
Friday, August 13, 2010
As Fast As You Can
Resident or Case Manger?
I was asked that question by the new woman who just moved in..... Something to think about.I might be giving the shelter a bad 'look'. Since my case manager can’t or won’t help me find transitional housing I’ve been doing it myself. I’m not one to sit on my ass and wait to be handed anything. Well… I believe that a few of the programs I’ve called are wondering and maybe asking...
“Why is she calling us? Why isn’t her case manger calling us?”
Even though I am still two and a half weeks away from my ‘time limit’ and was told that if I can’t find a place I wouldn’t be kicked out, I am being pressured by my case manager to find a place and fast.
Not everyone who needs help is an addict or a single mom.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Gotta Be Something
Addict, Ex-Offender & Prostitute Rewards
...and families... but mostly everything else.
Lighthouse
Mostly only addicts
Candelaria
Native American Only
Project Transitional Living Center
Families Only
Salvavtion Army Ventura
For hardcore / long term addicts & homeless
Turning Point Foundation
Mentally Ill Only
Hawks residence
Addicts
Alexandria House
Addicts & Families Only
House of Ruth
Addicts & Families Only
Salvavtion Army Westwood
Families Only
1st Step Trans Living
Drug Addiction Only
Friendship Shelter
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program
Stephanie Shelter
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program
American Family
Must be already working BEFORE allowed to enter program
or very strong current work history judged by their opinion of what a strong current work history is.
Wise Place
Native American Only
Illumination
Families Only
Mary's Shelter
Young & Pregnant / newborn
Mercy Shelter
HIV/Aids Only
Casa
Young & Pregnant / Newborn
H.O.M.E.S.
Mentally Ill
FYI
Addiction IS NOT a disease.
Disease
dis·ease (d-zz)
n.
1. A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.
This is only a partial list as an example. Approximatively 6 out of 10 are only open to drug or alcohol addiction, single or family. The list doesn't include the ones I didn't call because the website said they only accept addicts, ex-offenders, prostitutes and or long term (mostly unchangeable) homeless.
Single women....
If you want help get an addiction. Otherwise buy yourself a vibrator and do without (abusive) men!
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