Skid Row VS Real Life

Don't Feed the Homeless

The day after the memorial for Sept 11th and a day of tolerance Los Angeles Officals say Don't Feed the Homeless. WOW.....

I only spent two days and three nights on Skid Row but it was enough to scare me straight...i.e. realize that was my destination if I didn't make some huge changes in my life. I realize now that those on Skid Row is made up of some very destintive types.

• Those who have spiraled to the depths of lost and will never recover.
• Those who were born, grew up and still live in Skid Row and will create the next generation of Skid Row
• Those who co-exist with Skid Row, work normal lives and are content with the co-exsistence
• Those who were like me. First time on Skid Row due to economy, bad choices or similiar reason.

Dozens of groups from across the Southland converge on downtown Los Angeles every week to hand out food and clothing in skid row.


Residents and business owners complain about the trash they leave behind. City officials question the wisdom and safety of street distributions in an area with numerous organizations that help the homeless.

Union Mission - the facilities are needed but they offer only bed and meals and neither isn't much to brag about.

Weingart - Don't even get me started about their Transitional program. The Program Manager (Merna) is a snobbish bully who thinks too little of the people she is suppose to be helping.


"These folks don't know what happens when they leave," said Los Angeles police Officer Deon Joseph, who as senior lead officer is a liaison to the community. "We've had people get stabbed after fighting over clothes. We've had people get sick after eating their food. It's just dangerous and irresponsible."

If this is the case... why doesn't these organizations work with the existing agencies and or why doesn't the existing agencies work with the outsiders to do the most good for the people who most want and need it?

Some community activists allege that the opposition to street distributions has more to do with gentrification than with protecting homeless people. The city's vision for a revitalized downtown, they suggest, does not include soup lines.

This makes sense and Skid Row needs a major revitalization. It needs to discontinue being a Homeless Asylum and needs to work with the people who truly want help to better their lives. This means free school / education for jobs that will help them leave Skid Row. Free housing while in school, free daycare, medical assistance and transportation while in school and or looking for a job.

On the side of police, residents and businesses - they have a right to complain and demand that if an organization offers meals it is the organization's responsibility to clean up what they brought. That should mean bringing garbage cans and food that doesn't require utensils.

In my opinion though the most important thing needed is for everyone involved to work together, forget the politic and remember that not everyone on Skid Row is a bum.

Still here

and slowly growing stronger. Each day I get a little stronger and a little more use from my back. But it definitely sucks having an injured back when the skies overhead are so blue.

I'm signed up for General Relief which I learned is not free money like CalWorks. General Relief money is paid back once you have a job. In addition, I can't participate in any kind of GR 'job club'  including sitting through boring orientations and work shops (which are require prior to their job club) until I am released from doctor's orders. Sucks because the orientation and workshops take three weeks...I'm out for three more weeks.

No worries though, the WIA program is separate from GR and I can attend their orientation and workshop(s)  which may also take up to three weeks before the actual job assistance starts.

My 'roommate' is from Skid Row and rarely sleeps in her bed. I believe she could be one of the Skid Row rape victims I've read about; not going to ask though. She's easy enough to avoid conflict with but like Trauma Queen has some pretty severe emotional difficulties. She'll probably be granted her SSI benefits -  very noticeable mental defects.

One of the residents is older then me and is in the process of obtaining her citizenship. She's seriously considering a career within the LAPD. Too old to be a police officer but I'm sure (or hope) there are a lot of other opportunities.

Me... I am so bored. I can't wait until I can walk for more than 10 minutes.

Homeless Crime

Los Angeles police shot and killed a man who reportedly threatened bystanders with a knife in a bustling Westlake shopping district on Sunday, authorities said.


Officers with the bicycle unit of LAPD's Rampart Division were responding to an unrelated call about 1 p.m. when a pedestrian flagged them down and alerted them to a man with a knife near 6th Street and Union Avenue, according to Cmdr. Blake Chou. The officers confronted the man and ordered him to drop the knife several times. When he failed to drop the weapon, officers began firing, police said.




Some residents of the neighborhood said officers routinely harassed them there and took the opportunity Sunday to voice their opinions about the police.


"Killers go to hell," one person said.


"You guys don't have the right to come to our neighborhood and assassinate people," another yelled.


A resident living less than a block from the scene said the dead man was middle-aged, well-known in the area and frequently appeared to be drunk. She often saw him passed out not far from where he was shot.


"The police told him, 'Put the knife down, put the knife down'" Woods said. She said the man responded by becoming agitated and rambling loudly. "You could see him wobbling from side to side," she said.


Meleika Williams, another resident, said the man may have stabbed people on the streets before he was shot by police. Authorities said they could not confirm whether anyone had been stabbed but said no one was taken to the hospital.

LINK


Wikipedia: Skid Row is said to be America's only third world city.

Sunday August 29, 2010

Another Skid Row morning

My arms are sore and my right ach terribly. I’m not use to carrying 10 to 15 pounds of weight all day. But I won’t leave my laptop behind and I need water, sunglasses, my medicine, a pen ect… and my wet self cleaning towel so I can wash it each day.

There is even less time in the morning then there is at night. Wake up; grab your bag from storage. Clean up, get dressed, put your belongs away so that you don’t have to carry them with you all day and then head out.

Breakfast – everything I am not suppose to eat, I eat as much as I can anyways knowing I will pay a price in about an hour. As I’m typing this the price is a swollen allergic reaction red eye. At least I’m not starving.

I am so tired…I will not just lie down and sleep I refuse. But I am so exhausted I wish I could.

Really pays off to not look homeless. I was plugged into an outlet when the security guard comes by and kicks out a guy near me for sleeping. Not me for being plugged in with my laptop.

Saturday, August 28th 2010 5 pm (ish)

I forgot my state picture id so I couldn’t check out any library books. 2 nights &, 1 day perfect my stare into nothingness. The thought of returning to the gloom is enough to send me bridge hunting. I don’t think I can do it.

I’m sitting in the warm sun where half the people are those who left the gloom and the other half are people enjoying the park itself. It’s actually not a bad park for a downtown such as Los Angeles. I just wish the city would provide electrical outlets in the park. Not all laptops have great long lasting batteries.

I know I said I would just leave the gloom each and every day. But it’s a lot different being in the gloom then just walking through it. Maybe I am tough but do I want to test theory? How long can I really keep my ‘game face’ on? It was only a moment but last night I broke and silently cried. I quickly wipe away the tears and steadied my breathing but it was a broken game face moment. If I stay I worry that I will harden to a point where all that is me will dissolve away. That or I will become a Skid Row statistic.

I applied to some jobs while at the library but most were not terribly attractive – my skills and the requirements were not well match.

No accounting skills
No web design or maintenance skills
No graphic design skills
I’m not strong in Power Point or QuickBooks
…and I no longer have entry level tech support skills. My belief in my employment value is quickly evaporating.

Almost time to return to the gloom. The Devil’s Happy Hour where the real vampires come out to play.


Is there a bathroom here? Of course not. Gawd forbid they be used by the horrible homeless who may spread they’re disease of homelessness.

Theres a man in the park worshiping the sun, I think he may be a bit ‘off’. As the sun continues to descend behind the buildings he moves to the next available sunny spot. Doesn’t he know he can’t hold back the night? Does he forget this each dawn?

I now know for a fact that some people are perfectly content being homeless. They have no problem taking advantage of the free shelter and food. In fact the bits of conversations that have drifted past me have educated me that not only are they content with Skid Row life but they know no other life. A woman near me this morning said she going to visit her daughter and granddaughter in line up ahead. Skid Row is not just a place you end up in. It’s a cycle that breeds generations. However with the pressing needs of so many new homeless changes should be a top priority. Ask yourself…

If you wouldn’t want you daughter, mother, sister or wife to live in a place like this why is it ok for anyone to live like this?

There should be police on the streets 24/7. Not just in patrol cars but on foot and in groups of three. Parolees and work release prisoners should be cleaning up the streets literally. There should be garbage cans on every corner. Recycling cans for homeless people to pull cans and bottles from. Every street in Skid Row should be lit up as if the night never touches the circle of gloom. Those kinds of changes would make a big difference and reduce the crime by even a minimal percentage.

Time to return to the gloom.

Sunglasses on
Head up
Back straight
Look ahead
Don’t look to the sides or at anyone.
Back in the gloom



Dinner

I really wish I could have taken a picture of dinner tonight. The scoop of macaroni and cheese would have been a great inspiration for a kid’s jungle gym.

After dinner.

I checked the transitional housing program place to see if the case worker checked her messages – no. The same man from Friday was there and I do believe he genuinely cares. He told me that come Monday all would be ok. Yes, I’ll be in a better cage but a cage all the same. At least that one will keep out most of the animals. As I write this one of the animals is pacing and pawing the ground. Growling and sneering about her stolen cell phone charger. I have to admit that the ER Shelter attendee is tougher than I first perceived. She had no worry as she stepped in front of the sneering animal and laid down the ER Shelter rules.

Head down and look at no one. We are all animals here. Her pawing came too close to me...at least too close to my comfort. Pacing back and forth in front of me as if challenging me to look up from writing and dare her to question me regarding her cell phone charger – I don’t look up.


The hyenas have arrived. Too late for dinner and hoping someone will give them a bite to eat.
The sun continues to descend and the chill is settling in. Not too long now.

In the bedding area it’s the same fast paced routine. Wait for the storage room to open. Get your gear, take out sleep clothes, figure out what you will wear tomorrow, get night needed things, and pack it back in and get ready for bed. Once you’re ready put any items you don’t want to sleep in or with in storage and hope you are exhausted enough to fall asleep the moment you lay down.

Uggs – I’ve been scared thin…and into laser hair removal. A big belly full of hair in the women’s bathroom. Enough said – a scar for life.

Good night

Good morning Skid Row

While the vampires are out…

#2 NOTE: Because I couldn't get online last night I'm posting this in two different blog postings to break up the length. 


The dorm style room is filled with approximant 100 to 115 bunk beds. The mattresses are plastic and the sheets are badly stained but clean. The pillows are scarce and the blankets are anything but soft and the air is hot, sticky and stale. At least the bathrooms here have full size doors unlike the lounge with half size doors and no locks on either. The best looking room sadly enough is the storage room – wish I could have slept in there.

The women are getting ready for bed in attire I wouldn’t wear even as a joke. Most are smart and wear sweats and a tank top. Others…I’ll never wear bike shorts again. There are some who are ironing clothing for the next day and one woman who is lithe enough to stretch before bed on her top bunk bed. Then there is the woman who meticulously wipes down every part of the metal bed with alcohol including the floor around and underneath her bed. Lots of little stories in this room.

At 10:05pm the lights start to go out. I’m lucky enough to be assigned a bed near a light fixture that is never turned off. Great. It’s like trying to sleep with the lights on. I toss and turn, move this way and that and even though I’m using the pillow less pillowcase as a sleep mask I never truly fall asleep.

• Wake up and look at the clock 2:30 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 3 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 4:15 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 5:10 am

Wake up requirement is at 5:30 am and women start to get ready at 5am. I sleep in to a whole whopping 5:30 am. No showers in the mornings. If you want a shower you have to wait until 2pm or go down the street for a community shower. Thankfully I have an exercise towel with me so I get it wet and sponge myself clean of at least most of the sweat before putting on clean clothes. Wish I still had my gym membership. I’m too chickenshit to use the showers in Skid Row after experiencing the Day Lounge bathroom.

Yea….it’s time for medical green trays filled with edible surprise. The items on the tray change after every 10th person or so. So many people got something different. Coffee? Noooo the men are served first and if they drink it all oh well, too bad for the woman folk. Fuckers! I wait for the office to open but after almost an hour I just want to get out of that place before I’m forced to migrate back to the land of hopelessness.

I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to go back tonight but what other choice do I have? There is no other place to go…until at least Monday. Even as of Monday, I may be forced to stay in Skid Row. Even the thought of going back makes me wonder if its worth it all. I can see how easy it can be to numb your surroundings and deny just how horrible it all really is with drugs.

One woman who was entirely too pissed for my comfort level over the lack of coffee told me that employers in Financial District do not hire anyone with a Skid Row address. As if I would provide a Skid Row address – HELL NO. I’ll put my old address and forward the mail to whatever transitional housing program I get into.

Tips for Skid Row

I don’t know where I learned it or even when. Maybe I somehow just knew it or maybe tidbits of memory are surfacing from my early days when I was with my savior from my {parent} who turned into my “Sleeping With The Enemy” nightmare. Or maybe all the books I’ve read and moves I’ve seen have street educated me. However I learned it I have put into motion some tips I’ve quickly learned or relearned in less than 24hours for staying away from conflict and or being marked...so far.

• When you are eating breakfast, eat with your head down, your eyes level and your ears open. Last night and definitely this morning I noticed a lot of little sparks that could have easily turned into physical conflicts. The coffee less mad woman was definitely not thrilled and I believe she may have been escorted out because she was so mad.

• When you go to the bathroom don’t forget to get a wad of toilet paper from the office. I plan to grab a stack of napkins from McDs and other places. Don’t take your eyes and if your able to your hands off your bag while going to the bathroom. Don’t make eye contact in the bathroom. One female entity was pretty miffed because a woman in the bathroom glanced over at her while she was going to the bathroom.

• When your sitting in the lounge or courtyard or pretty much anywhere… Stare into nothing. Don’t stare at anyone.

• Bump into no one. I bumped into someone with my suitcase and for a second I honestly thought she was going to get out of her chair and “challenge” me. Instead she just grumbled something not understandable.

• Carry with you as little as possible. The smaller the handbag the better and easier it is to put it under your pillow or hold onto while you sleep.

• Don’t assume anything about anyone. Last night a woman seemed perfectly nice and this morning she was practically asking for a fight with anyone willing to yell back at her.

• Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing that can mark you as a target - its about survival. 

When I left the shelter the street looked like a Hollywood setup for a apocalyptic type scene. An ideal set for the TV show Jeremiah. I literately pray I can survive until Monday without upsetting someone, attracting someone and or just marking myself in some way.

Just like prison

But you don’t have to break the law.

NOTE: Because I couldn't get online last night I'm posting this in two different blog postings to break up the length. 

My exit took longer than it was suppose to and longer than it should have. The train was also half an hour late. Because of this I missed the unknown to me closing time which I wasn’t told about. So until Monday I am at the worst of the worst emergency shelters. The place is miserable and scary and depressing and I don’t think even Hollywood could make it look as bleak as it really is. I have never been to prison but I imagine this is a nicer version of it and I don't know if I really can live in Skid Row... I don't know if I can really do have what it takes.

I don’t know if I am THIS strong.

The front door is staffed by an armed security guard who has to buzz you into the complex. Once you’re in you precede to the office…a hole in the wall on the other side of a “Day Lounge.” The day lounge is filled to the brim with female entities that probably haven’t seen better days since they were children. Some watch whatever drool is playing on the TV, others are chatting with others while some are threatening whoever walks by or looks at them. But most are staring into the nothingness.

Securing a bed is much like checking into the ER but with different questions.
Name
Age
Children
Diseases
Mental illness
Medication
Can you sleep on a top bunk without falling off?

How many have fallen off?

After being issued a bed number and told to wait until 8pm to be called to bed women already start to line up for the 6:30pm dinner call. Women line up as early as an hour prior to the feeding. As you enter the cafeteria a larger banner greets you and says
“Jesus loves you.”

Really? I don’t want his love. Personally I’m trying to quite abusive “loving” partners that neglect those they say they love and then serves them misery. So if this is his way of showing me some love, he should just back the $#@! Off.

The line continues past Jesus’ declaration of love where you accept your medical lime green tray of edible substance. The potatoes like substance were pale tan and tastes between squash and what I imagine prison food to taste like. There was something fried that I later overheard was supposed to be egg rolls. They did have shredded edible stuff so I guess thats what they were. The only thing that looked and tasted like it was suppose to was the small pile of salad with hidden salad dressing. At least I hope it was salad dressing. The rice, well, rice isn’t too difficult to 'make' so it looked right… like a mountain from Whoville. Except the mountain was white & the snow was black… and I was grateful for the free food.

Bathrooms in the “Day Lounge” – If walls could talk these would be scared silent, I was. But at least I know where to go for an easy drug purchase.

Soon after dinner and precisely as your ready to return to staring into the nothingness the one man religious concert starts up = Fire & Brimstone – Rock on!

…and there I sat. Wondering when my next shower would be. Whether or not I’ll be able to change my clothes tonight for bed or even the next day. Wondering what the Hell had I done to deserve this fate? Is this my punishment for settling with men I knew deep down were damaged and would do me harm? Settling with less because I didn’t think I deserved more? Never again. If I survive this, no one will ever be able to offer me anything that I can’t provide myself.

Into The Skid

Skid Row, here I come.

Well………

Trauma Queen was kicked out while I was gone and took with her most of my socks, two of my bras, some of my quality makeup and all of my personal hygiene items. :/
Thankfully the shelter I’m at now replaced some of the items :)


After a lot of consideration, deep thinking and making a list of strengths, features, negatives, goals and wants I was offered and accepted the transitional housing program in Skid Row. It offers the best chance for me to get back on my feet and a chance for a life three times better then it was before. I’m only publishing it because, well, this should be interesting.

I leave this afternoon.