Saturday, August 28, 2010

Saturday, August 28th 2010 5 pm (ish)

I forgot my state picture id so I couldn’t check out any library books. 2 nights &, 1 day perfect my stare into nothingness. The thought of returning to the gloom is enough to send me bridge hunting. I don’t think I can do it.

I’m sitting in the warm sun where half the people are those who left the gloom and the other half are people enjoying the park itself. It’s actually not a bad park for a downtown such as Los Angeles. I just wish the city would provide electrical outlets in the park. Not all laptops have great long lasting batteries.

I know I said I would just leave the gloom each and every day. But it’s a lot different being in the gloom then just walking through it. Maybe I am tough but do I want to test theory? How long can I really keep my ‘game face’ on? It was only a moment but last night I broke and silently cried. I quickly wipe away the tears and steadied my breathing but it was a broken game face moment. If I stay I worry that I will harden to a point where all that is me will dissolve away. That or I will become a Skid Row statistic.

I applied to some jobs while at the library but most were not terribly attractive – my skills and the requirements were not well match.

No accounting skills
No web design or maintenance skills
No graphic design skills
I’m not strong in Power Point or QuickBooks
…and I no longer have entry level tech support skills. My belief in my employment value is quickly evaporating.

Almost time to return to the gloom. The Devil’s Happy Hour where the real vampires come out to play.

Is there a bathroom here? Of course not. Gawd forbid they be used by the horrible homeless who may spread they’re disease of homelessness.

Theres a man in the park worshiping the sun, I think he may be a bit ‘off’. As the sun continues to descend behind the buildings he moves to the next available sunny spot. Doesn’t he know he can’t hold back the night? Does he forget this each dawn?

I now know for a fact that some people are perfectly content being homeless. They have no problem taking advantage of the free shelter and food. In fact the bits of conversations that have drifted past me have educated me that not only are they content with Skid Row life but they know no other life. A woman near me this morning said she going to visit her daughter and granddaughter in line up ahead. Skid Row is not just a place you end up in. It’s a cycle that breeds generations. However with the pressing needs of so many new homeless changes should be a top priority. Ask yourself…

If you wouldn’t want you daughter, mother, sister or wife to live in a place like this why is it ok for anyone to live like this?

There should be police on the streets 24/7. Not just in patrol cars but on foot and in groups of three. Parolees and work release prisoners should be cleaning up the streets literally. There should be garbage cans on every corner. Recycling cans for homeless people to pull cans and bottles from. Every street in Skid Row should be lit up as if the night never touches the circle of gloom. Those kinds of changes would make a big difference and reduce the crime by even a minimal percentage.

Time to return to the gloom.

Sunglasses on
Head up
Back straight
Look ahead
Don’t look to the sides or at anyone.
Back in the gloom


I really wish I could have taken a picture of dinner tonight. The scoop of macaroni and cheese would have been a great inspiration for a kid’s jungle gym.

After dinner.

I checked the transitional housing program place to see if the case worker checked her messages – no. The same man from Friday was there and I do believe he genuinely cares. He told me that come Monday all would be ok. Yes, I’ll be in a better cage but a cage all the same. At least that one will keep out most of the animals. As I write this one of the animals is pacing and pawing the ground. Growling and sneering about her stolen cell phone charger. I have to admit that the ER Shelter attendee is tougher than I first perceived. She had no worry as she stepped in front of the sneering animal and laid down the ER Shelter rules.

Head down and look at no one. We are all animals here. Her pawing came too close to least too close to my comfort. Pacing back and forth in front of me as if challenging me to look up from writing and dare her to question me regarding her cell phone charger – I don’t look up.

The hyenas have arrived. Too late for dinner and hoping someone will give them a bite to eat.
The sun continues to descend and the chill is settling in. Not too long now.

In the bedding area it’s the same fast paced routine. Wait for the storage room to open. Get your gear, take out sleep clothes, figure out what you will wear tomorrow, get night needed things, and pack it back in and get ready for bed. Once you’re ready put any items you don’t want to sleep in or with in storage and hope you are exhausted enough to fall asleep the moment you lay down.

Uggs – I’ve been scared thin…and into laser hair removal. A big belly full of hair in the women’s bathroom. Enough said – a scar for life.

Good night

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