and the racism escalates

I woke up Tuesday morning to be told that we (the white residents) have to bag up all of our items including bedding and wash every single clothing item. We were told that we have bed bugs - a lie. I had a doctor's appt and work so I had to stay awake until 2:30 in the morning and wash my bedding. Then woke up at 8:00 am to start washing more clothing.

Today (so far) I was told the one Hispanic woman who started all of this vindictive has now accused my roommate of threatening her and the children - a lie. And I found out my transitional housing was not faxed in as I was told it was.

I am probably going to have to quite my job and go to anther state... no place to go here and I suspect the racist staff member is blackballing me from getting into a transitional housing program.

What The Fuck!?

Teen gets 12-month sentence for minor offense, juvenile counselor gets probation for rape!


A hulking juvenile counselor named Tony Simmons led her in handcuffs from the girls holding area to the elevator.

She expected Tyson, as Simmons was called, to bring her up to the courtroom where she was scheduled to be sentenced for filing a false police report.

Instead, the elevator descended to the basement. The 42-year-old counselor pulled down her pants and raped her with calm, practiced precision that made him all the more terrifying.

"He knew exactly what he was doing," Ashley said. "Everything."

When he was done, Simmons pulled her pants back up and the elevator ascended to the courtroom. He raised an extended index finger to his lips in a mute command for her to say nothing.


Simmons continued to prey on teenagers in his custody until 2008, when a 15-year-old girl came forward to say he had sodomized her behind a locker in the girls holding area, which he stocked with condoms and cookies. Investigators believe the assaults go back a decade to the rape of a 13-year-old in the holding area.

"Just the tip of the iceberg," Assistant District Attorney Amir Vonsover said in 2008, when Simmons was indicted for three sex assaults.

On Sept. 27, Simmons appeared in court and pleaded guilty to raping Ashley and sexually assaulting two other teens.

He received probation.


LINK

Dangerous “Victims”

I’m keeping this short because I have good news. I filed a complaint against Special K regarding the major and small events that she has been doing in an effort to make my life miserable. Yesterday morning my roommate and I went to the store to get a few picnic food items to celebrate her birthday. When we got back I discovered that someone had been in our room. Worse… someone had taken my bottle of mouthwash and poured a tiny amount of bleach into the bottle. Not much but enough that someone with a really good sense of smell (people with medical problems who have developed a good sense of smell) could tell that something other than mouthwash was inside. The mouthwash is clear as is bleach – no one could tell by sight only smell. The only people home were staff, Special K and her roommate. Her roommate had come into our room earlier when she thought neither of us would be there - 7:30, a time I'm usually gone by. However, I slept in because it was my roommates birthday and wasn't planning to go job hunting that day. When she discovered we were both still there she rushed out of our room. Hmmm


I immediately took the issue to staff but because neither I or anyone else saw her do it she was thoroughly lectured and I’m sure threatened to be kicked out…but allowed to stay for now. Now I have to lock up my laptop and our room door has to be locked whenever we leave the actual shelter. My roommate was pissed that it almost ruined her birthday but we quickly made up for it. We headed to the beach where we had a picnic and walked in the waves. It was truly a gorgeous day and I found 3/4th of a sand-dollar on the beach, which I gave to her as a birthday present. I'm poor :p


My back is healing and I’m now able to walk in the sand - for a decent amount of time and distance. Not great but much better then a couple of weeks ago. When I got home (shelter,) I discovered an email requesting an interview from one of my all time favorite websites :) I was so thrilled I jumped around until I remembered my back was sore. I can’t wait to call and schedule an interview. I am going to knock the interviewer’s socks off! I will be so prepared it will almost be scary. The hardest part will be coming up with the money to go to the interview as its in anther county. I'm going to try to sell the last of what I have left thats worth money to pay for the train fare. I don't care that I may have to sell something I love.... for this company its worth it.

Good morning Skid Row

While the vampires are out…

#2 NOTE: Because I couldn't get online last night I'm posting this in two different blog postings to break up the length. 


The dorm style room is filled with approximant 100 to 115 bunk beds. The mattresses are plastic and the sheets are badly stained but clean. The pillows are scarce and the blankets are anything but soft and the air is hot, sticky and stale. At least the bathrooms here have full size doors unlike the lounge with half size doors and no locks on either. The best looking room sadly enough is the storage room – wish I could have slept in there.

The women are getting ready for bed in attire I wouldn’t wear even as a joke. Most are smart and wear sweats and a tank top. Others…I’ll never wear bike shorts again. There are some who are ironing clothing for the next day and one woman who is lithe enough to stretch before bed on her top bunk bed. Then there is the woman who meticulously wipes down every part of the metal bed with alcohol including the floor around and underneath her bed. Lots of little stories in this room.

At 10:05pm the lights start to go out. I’m lucky enough to be assigned a bed near a light fixture that is never turned off. Great. It’s like trying to sleep with the lights on. I toss and turn, move this way and that and even though I’m using the pillow less pillowcase as a sleep mask I never truly fall asleep.

• Wake up and look at the clock 2:30 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 3 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 4:15 am
• Wake up and look at the clock 5:10 am

Wake up requirement is at 5:30 am and women start to get ready at 5am. I sleep in to a whole whopping 5:30 am. No showers in the mornings. If you want a shower you have to wait until 2pm or go down the street for a community shower. Thankfully I have an exercise towel with me so I get it wet and sponge myself clean of at least most of the sweat before putting on clean clothes. Wish I still had my gym membership. I’m too chickenshit to use the showers in Skid Row after experiencing the Day Lounge bathroom.

Yea….it’s time for medical green trays filled with edible surprise. The items on the tray change after every 10th person or so. So many people got something different. Coffee? Noooo the men are served first and if they drink it all oh well, too bad for the woman folk. Fuckers! I wait for the office to open but after almost an hour I just want to get out of that place before I’m forced to migrate back to the land of hopelessness.

I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to go back tonight but what other choice do I have? There is no other place to go…until at least Monday. Even as of Monday, I may be forced to stay in Skid Row. Even the thought of going back makes me wonder if its worth it all. I can see how easy it can be to numb your surroundings and deny just how horrible it all really is with drugs.

One woman who was entirely too pissed for my comfort level over the lack of coffee told me that employers in Financial District do not hire anyone with a Skid Row address. As if I would provide a Skid Row address – HELL NO. I’ll put my old address and forward the mail to whatever transitional housing program I get into.

Tips for Skid Row

I don’t know where I learned it or even when. Maybe I somehow just knew it or maybe tidbits of memory are surfacing from my early days when I was with my savior from my {parent} who turned into my “Sleeping With The Enemy” nightmare. Or maybe all the books I’ve read and moves I’ve seen have street educated me. However I learned it I have put into motion some tips I’ve quickly learned or relearned in less than 24hours for staying away from conflict and or being marked...so far.

• When you are eating breakfast, eat with your head down, your eyes level and your ears open. Last night and definitely this morning I noticed a lot of little sparks that could have easily turned into physical conflicts. The coffee less mad woman was definitely not thrilled and I believe she may have been escorted out because she was so mad.

• When you go to the bathroom don’t forget to get a wad of toilet paper from the office. I plan to grab a stack of napkins from McDs and other places. Don’t take your eyes and if your able to your hands off your bag while going to the bathroom. Don’t make eye contact in the bathroom. One female entity was pretty miffed because a woman in the bathroom glanced over at her while she was going to the bathroom.

• When your sitting in the lounge or courtyard or pretty much anywhere… Stare into nothing. Don’t stare at anyone.

• Bump into no one. I bumped into someone with my suitcase and for a second I honestly thought she was going to get out of her chair and “challenge” me. Instead she just grumbled something not understandable.

• Carry with you as little as possible. The smaller the handbag the better and easier it is to put it under your pillow or hold onto while you sleep.

• Don’t assume anything about anyone. Last night a woman seemed perfectly nice and this morning she was practically asking for a fight with anyone willing to yell back at her.

• Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing that can mark you as a target - its about survival. 

When I left the shelter the street looked like a Hollywood setup for a apocalyptic type scene. An ideal set for the TV show Jeremiah. I literately pray I can survive until Monday without upsetting someone, attracting someone and or just marking myself in some way.

Just like prison

But you don’t have to break the law.

NOTE: Because I couldn't get online last night I'm posting this in two different blog postings to break up the length. 

My exit took longer than it was suppose to and longer than it should have. The train was also half an hour late. Because of this I missed the unknown to me closing time which I wasn’t told about. So until Monday I am at the worst of the worst emergency shelters. The place is miserable and scary and depressing and I don’t think even Hollywood could make it look as bleak as it really is. I have never been to prison but I imagine this is a nicer version of it and I don't know if I really can live in Skid Row... I don't know if I can really do have what it takes.

I don’t know if I am THIS strong.

The front door is staffed by an armed security guard who has to buzz you into the complex. Once you’re in you precede to the office…a hole in the wall on the other side of a “Day Lounge.” The day lounge is filled to the brim with female entities that probably haven’t seen better days since they were children. Some watch whatever drool is playing on the TV, others are chatting with others while some are threatening whoever walks by or looks at them. But most are staring into the nothingness.

Securing a bed is much like checking into the ER but with different questions.
Name
Age
Children
Diseases
Mental illness
Medication
Can you sleep on a top bunk without falling off?

How many have fallen off?

After being issued a bed number and told to wait until 8pm to be called to bed women already start to line up for the 6:30pm dinner call. Women line up as early as an hour prior to the feeding. As you enter the cafeteria a larger banner greets you and says
“Jesus loves you.”

Really? I don’t want his love. Personally I’m trying to quite abusive “loving” partners that neglect those they say they love and then serves them misery. So if this is his way of showing me some love, he should just back the $#@! Off.

The line continues past Jesus’ declaration of love where you accept your medical lime green tray of edible substance. The potatoes like substance were pale tan and tastes between squash and what I imagine prison food to taste like. There was something fried that I later overheard was supposed to be egg rolls. They did have shredded edible stuff so I guess thats what they were. The only thing that looked and tasted like it was suppose to was the small pile of salad with hidden salad dressing. At least I hope it was salad dressing. The rice, well, rice isn’t too difficult to 'make' so it looked right… like a mountain from Whoville. Except the mountain was white & the snow was black… and I was grateful for the free food.

Bathrooms in the “Day Lounge” – If walls could talk these would be scared silent, I was. But at least I know where to go for an easy drug purchase.

Soon after dinner and precisely as your ready to return to staring into the nothingness the one man religious concert starts up = Fire & Brimstone – Rock on!

…and there I sat. Wondering when my next shower would be. Whether or not I’ll be able to change my clothes tonight for bed or even the next day. Wondering what the Hell had I done to deserve this fate? Is this my punishment for settling with men I knew deep down were damaged and would do me harm? Settling with less because I didn’t think I deserved more? Never again. If I survive this, no one will ever be able to offer me anything that I can’t provide myself.

Skid Row

The Dangers of Skid Row

This is where the transitional shelter program I will probably be going to is located.



"Rapist Kidnapping Homeless Women on L.A.'s Skid Row"
Published August 12, 2010 | Associated Press



LOS ANGELES -- Los Angeles police are looking for a man they say tied up and raped two women from Skid Row in the past two weeks.


A police statement says a middle-aged, balding man in a brown van gave a 37-year-old homeless woman a ride on Aug. 1, bound her with duct tape and then raped her repeatedly over the next three days before dropping her off in Koreatown.


Police say a man matching the same description picked up a 29-year-old woman on Monday night and offered her a ride to get food. The van drove to a McDonald's but when the woman refused to perform a sex act, police say the man pulled a knife, bound her with duct tape and drove to Alhambra, where he raped her.


Police say he threw her in a trash bin before fleeing.






I’m homeless, single, NOT addicted to any kind of drugs nor am I a single parent. Because I am not an addict, Spanish or Native American, a former prostitute or a single mom, I cannot find a transitional housing program anywheres else. I am educated, had a job and an apartment but have lost everything due to the recession and a bad boyfriend decision. But because I haven't severely screwed up my life with an addiction or whoring and because I don't want to pop out a kid just for the sake of government help there is no assistance for me.

If you really want to help homeless people who want help, donate money to transitional homeless shelters, donate your time in teaching your professional skills to residents so they can get a job and or hire homeless people in these programs.

Shelter Theft / Crime

Only a little better.

• A previous resident warned me of the two woman here (Trauma Queen and BBF.)
• My roommate had her purse rummage through and $5 stolen.

Today I went through my tote bag where I keep my personal paperwork stored - informational flyers, one old paystub, application to GR and unemployment app & denial letters ect... all of which has my full name, SSN and CA ID number. As I was cleaning it from things I need and things I do not I discovered someone had placed a financial record account letter from the former resident who left due to the multiple harassment she received from Trauma Queen and BBF. If any of the Shelter Attendees had done a room / personal belongs search before I discovered this, it would have made me look extremely guilty...

TAG - I'm it.

I can't tell any of this to an Attendees because if I do TQ & BBF will know and Target Practice will commence.


...crap...


Minutes after typing this TQ is complaining that 'someone' stole her trashcan and bitching harshly at her son. I had better go check my room.
 :(

Target practice isn't fun if you’re the target.

I was talking to the son of the trauma queen as he was trying to think of the name of a country but saying "it's a state," until he said Jamaica. Without sounding snobbish (at least I didn't think I sounded snobbish) I explained the difference between states, countries and continents. His mom thought this was me showing off my smartness - whatever.

Yesterday morning, my roommate discovered that the trauma queen's Shelter BBF took her purse, rummage through it and then brought it to her saying her daughter took it to the bathroom. The daughter was in the living room the whole time. The four of us were in the same area when this occurred so it's impossible the daughter could have. After what happened she came to me to ask what could be done if she has written down her cc numbers, ID numbers and or SSN. I advised her to call and put warning flags on her cc agency as well as her SSN just in case of future identify theft. I have little doubt that the woman heard even part of this as she is constantly walking around the house from room to room.

This morning, Trauma Queen & BBF met with one of the house attendees in private outside the kitchen ensuring we both would view the meeting - this isn't the normal meeting place for serious discussions I'm told. Now I'm being given the cold shoulder and hmmfs whenever trauma queen comes into the room. The previous target told me this is how it first started with her.

This is ridiculous... I'm now looking at two different transitional housings so I can get away from this mess as soon as possible.